Archives for posts with tag: Congress

Ultimate mastery of f-bomb dropping was on display in Congress yesterday as “Representative” Louie Gohmert (R:Bedlam) was whupping on the Attorney General during a photo op hearing. Louie whupped, and AG Holder whupped right back. Typical stuff, up to that point.

But then, at the end, General Holder threw a F-bomb right up the proboscis of the “distinguished gentleman”: he said, “Good luck with your asparagus.” That, Gentle Reader, is f-bomb usage of the highest order.

For those unfamiliar with Gohmert’s long and apparently intimate relationship with the noble stalk-like veggie, a refresher may be found here. On a previous occasion, Louie went all lizard-s*** on Holder, to the point that even other “Republicans” noticed the scaly fecality of his behavior (which tells you how crazy the man was acting). The good Mr. Gohmert got himself so waxed with wroth, he said this:

“The attorney general will not cast aspersions on my asparagus.”

Thus making himself even more of a joke than usual (which is pretty hard to do), and indeed, Gohmert’s pile of Asparagus jokes has been growing ever larger since that day. Asparagus this, asparagus that.

Thus allowing the AG to tell Louie to f*** himself, using “asparagus”. That, friends, is damn near Jedi Master-level f-bomb tossing. Truly magnificent.

It makes you proud of our public servants, doesn’t it?

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

And of course, he’s a big “family values” guy. “Representative” Vance McAllister, a “Christian” with a wife and five kids was caught on camera canoodling with a married staff member. Depressingly common behavior for “Republican” Fundagelicals, you’ll agree. And after he got caught, he decided to keep his cushy job and fire the woman with whom he was f***ing around. Sadly, that too is common.

Here is the likewise-common “values” campaign statement:

McAllister ran on a faith and family-based platform and featured his wife and five children in campaign ads. “Here at the McAllister house, we have a big family breakfast every Sunday before church. Kelly does the cooking, and I do the dishes,” McAllister said of his wife during a campaign ad. “It’s here in this house that Kelly and I worked to instill the values of faith, family, and country in our five children. If you will trust me with your vote, you can count on me to take those values to Washington.”

Here is a picture of him living his real values with Mrs. Melissa Anne Hixon Peacock:

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And here is (part) of what he said after getting busted:

Peacock has been “taken off the payroll in the past 24 hours,” according to The News-Star, who spoke with McAllister’s chief of staff. The congressman said that he will run for re-election, “unless there is an outcry for me not to serve, and so far there has been an outpouring of support, not for my actions, but for me to continue to represent the people.”

Dafuq? No, really, dafuq???? Two married people, both cheating on their spouses. One keeps his six-figure gig, and shit-cans the other. The Congressman keeps his gig and fires the woman he was using.

That, if you like, is “Republican outreach to women”. Females, you have been warned. The GOP will screw you big-time, whether or not they kiss you first.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Yesterday, your humble correspondent called a medical provider and asked for some supplies to be sent to chez Cranky. He was told that there would be a several-day delay: due to all of the newly-insured people that were getting medical care, they were having to order more supplies, and hire more help to meet demand. I replied that I understood,and thanked the harried woman on the other end of the phone.

After hanging up, a victory yell was heard by everyone on earshot: because, you see, this was proof that the Affordable Care Act is working. Here’s why:
Number A: lots of newly-insured people are getting life-saving medical care.
Letter 2: people are getting jobs to help provide care to the newly insured.
Thirdly: companies that make medical supplies will likewise have to add more staff, and order more raw materials, which means more jobs further down the supply chain.
Finally: all these increases will result in price reductions due to economies of scale.

The ACA is a long way from perfection, I grant you: but it also takes us a long way towards better health care for us all.

Proven by this example, and millions of others just like it, across the country. Thanks, Mister President.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Yes, that hypocritical parasite is lapping up luxury in Switzerland at our expense. This after telling unemployed Americans that there was no money for them.

It is time for America’s hard-working citizens to realize this truth: we send billions upon billions to these lying leeches in our taxes, and they blow our money on luxury trips, private barbers, and shovel millions of dollars to their billionaire buddies. And then they tell us that the country is broke. Bull-f***ing-s***. We aren’t broke at all. There is a lot of money there.

But the money is wasted and stolen by the “trickle-down” crowd in Congress. A perfect example: Cantor’s luxurious trip to Davos will cost more in a day than an unemployed person will get in six months.

Repeat: Eric Cantor’s luxurious trip to Davos will cost more in one single day than a REAL hard-working American’s unemployment benefits would cost for half a year.

Sick of Teapublicans yet? Then for crying out loud, stop f***ing voting for them.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

20131113-083522.jpgAs you may have heard, Congress’s approval rating just hit another record low: only nine percent of Americans think they don’t suck. It is hard to be disliked to a greater extent than that, but hey, they might be able to pull it off.

Of course, they COULD look at that chart up there, and by making a single change, raise their approval rating by 30 percent. That change? Why, doing their f***jng jobs, that’s all.

The 39% approval rating they had back in 2009 was not earned by their moral goodness; nor was it a result of diligence, comity, or even treating each other with much dignity and respect. It was earned by passing bills that needed passed, confirming appointments that needed confirmed, even though they were acting like ill-tempered toddlers much of the time. They worked, fought, debated, argued, and then compromised for the good of the country. You know, what COngress is supposed to do in the first place.

How about it, boys and girls? Would you like an approval rating close to that of Obama’s? Act like you did in 2009, and you’ll get ratings like you did in 2009. Or, keep on f***ing off and f***ing up, and see if you can get down to a 1 % rating.

Which would be weirdly appropriate, if you think about it.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Or, for that matter, anyone else you happen to sling such pejorative names at. No, the Constitution says “All men are created equal”. It does not carve out exceptions for religion, skin color, or gender, and it sure as Hell doesn’t exclude LGBT Americans. All means all.

So it is sad that a law saying that little bit of obviousness even has to be created in the first place, and it is even more depressing that it is likely to get shot down again by our elected “Republicans.” All means all.

Sad though the necessity may be, the law needs passed. Just like the laws banning discrimination based on skin tone, X and Y chromosomes, religion and physical limitations. And anyone who opposes such equality can suck on the Constitution. Equality for all, that is what it says.

AND ALL MEANS ALL.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Hell, we’re lucky it works at all. Here’s the budget request for building healthcare.gov. 10 billion dollars to build the online exchanges allowing those eligible Americans in a red or purple state to buy health insurance. The Teapublicans gave them 1 billion. And now, they are “outraged” that the online system isn’t working perfectly, and are demanding to know why.

It is pretty safe to say that a NINETY-F***ING PERCENT CUT IN FUNDING had something to do with it. Pretty darned safe.

Try commuting on 10% of the gas you need. Try getting by with 10% of the food you need. Try building a house with 10% of the lumber you need. How well is that likely to work for ya?

Hey, House Repubes- want to know why the website rollout sucked? Look in a friggin’ mirror.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

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