Mr. Blunt and Cranky is a descendant of religious refugees who first washed up on the shores of Vespucciland in 1774, and continued to arrive until the early 1800’s. As such, he is more aware than many Americans of the dangers associated with theocracies: dangers like being killed, raped, plundered, tortured, exiled, burned at the stake, hanged from church steeples, all in the name of God: aware because of the writings of those few ancestors who managed to survive the horrors inflicted by the Church, and because of the historical record (that part of the historical record that was not purged by said Church).

For those ignorant souls who have no experience with such history, here is a short version: on the French side were the Huguenots, early Protestants who were persecuted in various imaginative ways by a number of cardinals and kings. On the other, dour Scots who were likewise persecuted by similar folk. The survivors came to America so that they could worship freely, without government interference. Today, they are called Presbyterians, and are a pretty inoffensive lot as religious people go.

Throughout history, there have been those who have sought to merge the temporal and spiritual: not a one of these experiments has resulted in anything but fire, bloodshed, and general devastation. Unfortunately, people don’t learn from history (if they did, Iran would not have a theocracy at present), and so today America has a large number of what Mr. B & C calls “Fundagelicals” (they claim to be fundamentalists and are decidedly evangelical) who think that for some reason their theocracy would be the one that works. News flash, peeps: that’s what King David, King Henry, Pope Fill-In-The-Blank, and all of your other predecessors thought, and they came to bad ends; each and every one of them did.

Today, various sorts of Fundagelicals are trying to take over the nation: the same sort of people who have told this writer that he is going to Hell because he has not adopted their Johnny-come-lately version of religion. To them, he says two things:

First; the same thing his ancestors told the Inquisitors, Richelieu, Mazarin, and countless other fanatical jackasses: “You don’t get to decide who goes to Hell”. For centuries, people have died when governments tried to tell them how to worship, and he will not be found more cowardly than his dour but stubborn forebears.

Second; “Read the Constitution, and maybe some good history books as well”.

Mr. B & C