Everybody knows this little rodent and what a pain in the arse he is:  a bunch of kids at recess decide to play kickball (or whatever), and he decides to be The Rule Maker. At first, everybody goes along, because, hey, it’s kickball, not too complicated, what can he do to mess it up? No worries, knock yourself out, ferret-face.

But as the game progresses, he re-writes the rules for his own benefit whenever things don’t go his way. Pretty soon, fights break out and the game goes up in flames, all because of the little snot and his sneaky crap. And he keeps doing it, recess after recess, day after day, until the whole classroom decides to take him down in the next dodgeball game. Pretty ugly scene, if you remember those days from your youth.

It is certainly no more palatable in adulthood. From bosses who “interpret” contract rules to shaft certain workers they dislike, to elected officials who implement legislation to skew the playing field in their favor, we see that the snotty little weasel was not improved by being smeared all over the second grade playground. Indeed, he grew up to be even sneakier and more mendacious than he was before. And he intends to take that old dodgeball and give it back to you, right where you will find it to be the least comfortable.

Today’s Grown-Up Little Playground Snot (GULPS) is Florida  businessman crook Governor Little Rickie Scott, who reallyreallyreally wants to make sure his team wins this fall’s electoral kickball tourney (and when one thinks about it, ball-kicking is pretty much what politics has become). In spite of the other players (the counties, the auditors, the feds, the voters, etc.) he is going to interpret existing rules and write new ones on the fly, so as to make sure he wins.

Just as in those halcyon days of yore, the other players are getting madder and madder, and the allegorical dodgeballs (lawsuits) are flying at the GULPS. Also as in those aforementioned days, he is insisting that he alone is right, and that anyone who does not follow his super-duper extra-special  personal set of awesome rules is a cheater.

Maybe we were too harsh on the GULPS when he was a wee tyke. Perhaps some gentle understanding would have helped him to grow up into something other than a sleazy, conniving, serial rule-rewriter with a heart of pig poo and the eyes of a rabid stoat.

 Or maybe we weren’t harsh enough. Pass the dodgeballs around, kids, that recess bell is ringing.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky