Willie Robertson better pack a LOT of suntan lotion in his coffin.

Because, according to his “logic”, the Duck Dynasty star is Hellbound, just like the gays he and his daddy love to hate. Gonna be hot and bright down there, boyo, so you had best be prepared. And that goes regardless of whether the hating is based on “Christian” readings of the Old or New Testament.

Young Willie dittoed his daddy’s ignorant statements recently, saying that the Bible says certain people are going to Hell, and that is that. And his faux-redneck family fully supports the literal interpretation of Holy Scripture. If they are right, this guy and his clan are heading for some third-degree brimstone burns themselves:

The list of Levitican Perdition Pronouncements may be found here. A cursory reading reveals the Ducksters to be huge vi-o-lators of this code:
They eat crawdads and other forbidden seafood,
They wear clothing made from mixed fabrics ,
They lie about who they are,
And a number of other forbidden practices like touching snakes, and so on. So Willieboy is on the Swampway to Hell, according to his own standards and beliefs.

But, you say, what of the New Testament? Glad you asked. Here is the bit of Corinthians that Phil and Willie claim to reference:

Do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived! Fornicators, idolaters, adulterers, male prostitutes, sodomites, thieves, the greedy, drunkards, revilers, robbers—none of these will inherit the kingdom of God.

Since the Robertson “men” have chosen to pretend to be something they aren’t in order to make money, they are clearly prostituting themselves, are greedy, and robbing those poor gullible fools who give them money. So, they are likewise headed South, waaaaaaay down South. Hadesville kinda South. According to the very New Testament Scripture they themselves cite, and the Old Testament Scripture.

Gentle Reader, one of two things is true:

Willie and his Ducky Posse are all a-goin’ to Hell just like them icky-ucky LGBTQ peeps; and it’s gonna be  Sunburn Central down there, from all reports, or

The gays aren’t actually going there, because the Bible really doesn’t say what he and his Daddy Phil says it does.

Either way, listening to Willie  is probably a really bad idea, because it’s pretty obvious that  his head is firmly lodged in his alimentary canal. But he himself had better be prepared, just in case he’s right. Coppertone, Mister Duck. Lots and lots of it.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

P.S. Count the number of times Homosexuality is mentioned in the entire Bible. Less than ten. Now look at how many times Adultery is mentioned. Dozens.
These Fundagelicals might want to adjust their priorities. I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.

Phil Robertson’s Glass House (Those who live by Leviticus…)

As we all know by now, Duck Daddy Phil Robertson loves him some Leviticus 18:22 (that is the bit about gays being icky). Of course, the book says a lot about other horrible sins, but he doesn’t often mention them. And for good reason.

This writer has seen a bit of Duck Dynasty, and knows that the Robertsons love to eat squirrel. That is forbidden per Lev. 11:4-8, as are pork, rabbit, and pretty much any animal without divided hooves and a cud-chewing habit. Crawdads are also sinful to eat, along with shellfish, lobster, shrimp and crab, per Lev. 11:10-12.

Don’t get the Cranky started about how they dress on that show: dreadfully decadent mixing of fabrics. Forbidden in 19:19. And that unkempt hair? Oh, my-check out 10:6. Not to mention eating fat-that is stealing from the Lord’s sacrificial portion, as per 3:17.

And of course, there is the big one: lying. Forbidden by a commandant, and quite a few places in Leviticus, to boot. And the whole show is a lie, Clan Robertson is not the family they pretend to be: click the link and watch to see. They were a normal load of rich yuppies before the show, and grew the beards and such for it. So the show is bearing false witness, deceiving a purchaser, and a host of other truly gnarly sins.

The truth, Gentle Reader, is that we are all horrible sinners according to the standards set in Leviticus, and Hoo Boy, that includes your Cranky Correspondent. That is why we no longer live by those standards. And if someone wants to pick and choose which bit o’ Levit he wants to foist upon the rest of us, then he is leaving himself open for the rest of us to do unto him.

For now, the score of the Sin Bowl is: Homosexual males, 1 ; Phil Robertson, 12+.
Not hard to see which is the bigger sinner.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Phil Robertson’s First Amendment rights have not, repeat NOT been violated.

Here’s the article, in which Notable Nitwits Bobby Jindal, Sarah Palin, and Ted Cruz all claim that The Duck Dude’s right to free speech has been abridged. Not that they are the only ones saying stupid crap today, but they are in the article, so we’ll pick on them. What they are (wrongly) saying is that A&E has violated Phil Robertson’s First Amendment rights to free speech, by suspending him from his job after he violated company policies. All together now, Merry Cranksters: “Bull-f***ing-S***!”. (Pronounce the asterisks in any manner you choose.)

The First Amendment (as touched on in the linked piece) covers government aided or directed suppression of free expression. It does NOT prohibit a private enterprise from limiting or circumscribing employee speech and actions. In fact, the law allows employers to set such limits in many cases. So, the Nitwit Fox Brigade is either stupid, cluless or both.

The Government has said f***-all about Duck Boy’s anti-gay, anti-black, anti-all-kinds-of-people rants. The Government does not give a single turd from a constipated field mouse’s ass about what Phil said. The Government has done nothing at all.

No, it is a private business that has opened a can of HR Whoop-Ass on the fake old fart. It is the free market in action – A&E sees a potential threat to profitability in Robertson’s idiot statements, and is seeking to retain those profits by mitigating risk. A standard, legal, ethical, and smart business move.

It is not the eeeeevil Obaminator and his Zombie UN Free Speechbots who have told a moronic hunk of trash with cash to shut his face. It is that most beloved of all Right-Wing Institutions who have told him to STFU: an employer.

Yell at A&E if you want – that’s protected speech, just like what the Duckbot spewed in GQ. The government could give a s*** what you say. Just like they don’t care what Phil Robertson said. But piss off your boss, and THAT might cause you some grief. Also like Phil’s case.

Mr/ Blunt and Cranky