Archives for posts with tag: Bain

Yes, that’s right: one of Willard’s fave tax dodges has milked the Mormon Church’s coffers while paying Romney dividends AND cutting his own taxes (for 15 years):

Even for a sleazebucket like Mitt, this is truly epic sleazebucketry: stealing money  from  one’s own church AND the rest of us taxpayers. Oh, sure, he might maybe make it up later somehow someday someway.  And it was legal when he first set it up (this type of dodge was made illegal a few months later).

But any way you look at it, this is the behavior of a monetary sociopath.If he’ll steal from God, imagine what he’ll do to YOU.

Mr. B & C

P.S.: You’ll have noticed the snarky, rude phraseology in today’s post. Mr. Blunt and Cranky is returning to his normal programming mode after realizing that he just has no game when it comes being something other than, well, blunt and cranky.

Mr. W. Mitt Romney, already acknowledged as being one heckuva weasel, has come up with a marvelous new B.S. story that has weasels of the two- and four-legged varieties from around the world awestruck with admiration: “Dude, did you see THAT? We have to up our game, man, we are, like, totally losers compared to the Willard the Wonder Weasel”. Even Billy Bob Clinton is genuflecting before Romney’s icon in The Weasel Cathedral, acknowledging the passing of the Weasel King crown to a new master.

Said weaseliciousness is as follows: Mitt has claimed for some time now to have “had no involvement with Bain Capital after 1999”. Pretty unequivocal. But then, golly gee whillikers, it turns out he has also said he DID have involvement after that date, which looks a whole lot like a lie. If one is to be the King of All Things Weaselish, one must triumph over inconvenient facts, so Mitt put on his Captain Super Weasel Underoos and came up with this line for the ages: he “Retired Retroactively”.

Absolute brilliance, possibly unparalleled in modern times. By using the magical Retroactive Ray, Mitt could take actions that could later be declared altered, or even never to have existed. Now consider the possibilities for the rest of us:

  • “That baby is not mine, because I put on a condom after we had sex. Retroactive Responsibility.”
  • “I did not shoot that man, because I retroactively became a pacifist in favor of gun control”.
  • “I was not driving drunk, because I retroactively sobered up.”
  • “I cannot possibly have the Clap, because of my retroactive virginity.”

Perhaps Republican Primary voters should retroactively cast their votes for another, less weaselish candidate?  Considering Romney’s level of Weaseltude, almost any candidate would pass that test.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

P.S.: Yes, your humble writer did indeed reference Dire Straits and Eminem in the same blog post (last Friday). Yes, he did it on purpose; and yes, he is perversely pleased about it. Deal.

One of Mr. Blunt and Cranky’s favorite Mark Knopfler songs is called “Industrial Disease”. During the tune, he describes going to Speaker’s Corner and seeing two men, both claiming to be Jesus – he figures that “one of them must be wrong”.  Fun and logical both, plus the song itself totally kicks butt. Give the man and his band some coin, go check it out.

This week’s recipient of the Crown O’ Polished Turds will be determined by resolving a similar conundrum:

Mitt Romney, 2011: Says he played no role at Bain after 1999.

Mitt Romney, 2001-2003: Filed documents and gave testimony saying something quite else.

While neither of these two Mr. Romneys has ever (to this blogger’s knowledge) claimed to be Jesus, one of them must be wrong in his sworn statements regarding his business activities. Whichever Mitt is wrong is this week’s LSoSoTW.

(Apologies to Mr. Mathers, but this cannot be resisted: “Will the real Mitt Romney please stand up; Please stand up?”)

Mr. B & C