Teabagging, Secessionist Texans are now BEGGING Obama to help them. Can you say, “Biting the hand that feeds you”?

We knew you could.

It was less than a month ago, you’ll remember, when bats***-crazy Teacessionists claimed Obama was a-gonna invade Texas because the military was gonna practice, well, military stuff in the state. (Use “The Google” and search “Jade Helm” for details.) The Governor and many other Texas Teabaggers (in government and out) called (as they often do) for secession, armed resistance, and all the usual loony Lone Star bellicosity we’ve come to expect from those needle-d***ed, pea-brained dips***s.

Never mind that such military exercises bring a load of cash to the state and local environs, never mind that those same politicos were screaming for more Federal soldiers to be stationed in Texas to combat illegal immigrants not so long ago: NoNoNo, the eeeevil Federals and that dirty Obaminator-In-Chief were just itching to take over Texas, yupyupyup. And them thar proud Texans were gonna fight tooth, fang and claw to keep them Federal types away. Yupyupyup.

Then came a natural disaster.

And then, as always, came the usual demands (from those same TeaTexBaggers, of course) that the recently-reviled Federals come in and save the poor, helpless, suffering state of Texas, pleasepleaseplease. Christ on a Stetson, really? No, seriously, really? What happened to the proud, self-reliant, “we don’t need no stinkin’ Obama” attitude of just a few days prior?

The same a**holes that recently claimed that FEMA was setting up death camps are now begging FEMA to give them the essentials of life. The same crazies who deployed the National Guard to fight the apparently evil U.S. Army are now begging that very same U.S. Army to come on into Texas and help them. Anybody else see the blatant self-contradictions at work here?

This writer knows a goodly number of Texans and is aware that many (and perhaps most) people in that state are neither Teabaggers nor secessionists. Indeed, the average citizen of any state is not going to be agreement with the political hacks that run said states. Lord knows, this writer is hardly in agreement with Kasich’s Korrupt Kronies, for example. So please, don’t go lobbing nonsense attacks towards your humble bloggespondent or start some silly-a**ed #NotAllTexans Twitterfest.

But let’s DO encourage all of the good, sensible, hard-working people in Texas to assert their rights and run the “Republican” jackalopes out of office at the first opportunity, replacing them with representatives that reflect the interests of the majority of the state’s residents. Then maybe the local, state and national governments can work as a team again, as the Constitution says they are supposed to. And we can stop treating Texas politicians like the jokes most of them are.

Until that happens, Obama will have to just keep on feeding the teabagging, secessionist, deluded, idiotic Texas mouths that bite him.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Hypocritical Hillary Haters Are Hating, as Always

A Clinton candidacy always brings the lying rat bassets out in droves, and her 2016 bid is no exception. The Teapubbies have carefully timed the Scandalism Machine to try to sink her Presidential bid. Like they did to Bubba in 1992 and 1994. And when Hillary ran for Senate. And when she was confirmed as Secretary of State. It’s all about scandalscandalscandal, every single time. Never mind that all the millions of dollars the Right Wingnuts spent digging for dirt on the Clintons ever turned up was oral sex and cigar kink. (And that was on Bill, not Hillary.)

Knowing that Secretary Clinton would run for Prexy (like everybody else did, DUH), the “Republicans” have spent loads of taxpayer dollars on “investigations” that have turned up even less than they did in the 90’s. Undeterred, they are gleefully wasting our hard-earned on these witch hunts, shining bright lights on nothing and substituting innuendo for information. And getting lots of money and assistance for their smear campaigns from rich motherf***ers in and out of the media, foreign and domestic.

In the interest of Truth, Justice, and the Amercan Way, let’s turn those spotlights around for a wee minute and shine it upon HRC’s manifold accusers, and see what we find, shall we? Oh, we shall; yes, yes we shall.

Number A: The big Clinton Email Server “Scandal”. You know, the one where Hillary had a legal server that she used legally, and disclosed everything that was legally required? Yep. Not for nothing was “scandal” enclosed by scarequotes.
Turns out that the Teabilly who is leading the charge against Mrs. Clinton is doing the same damned thing. Yes, Trey Gowdy has his OWN private email server, not that you hear much about it. This writer had to go down five pages in a Google search to find it, underneath all the regurgitated Repub talking points that pass for “news” these days.

Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-SC), who heads the House’s Select Committee on Benghazi, is leading the charge in calling for investigations of Clinton’s email.

Yet it’s important to note that Gowdy maintains his own domain treygowdy.com. For example, one campaign contact email he used was info@treygowdy.com. While it’s not unusual to maintain such a thing particularly for campaign work, it’s not clear that Gowdy utilizes this email solely for political campaign work and not congressional tasks.
AlterNet asked Gowdy’s office through both a telephone inquiry followed up by an email communication to his press secretary about how he segregates work he conducts through his personal domain vs congressional work. We also inquired about where his personal email server is stored and how it is secured. We also attempted to contact Gowdy campaign manager George Ramsey, but he did not return our phone calls. 

Letter 2: How about that new blockbuster book about Clintonian “Corruption”, Clinton Cash? Wow, sounds like some pretty damning stuff, if you listen to the breathless panting of the “reporters” who are “covering” the story. Ermmm…well…no… Turns out Mr. Schweizer is a paid Republican operative, who was paid lots of money to write a bulls*** hit piece:

As Crooks and Liars pointed out, Schweizer’s Government Accountability Initiative, a 501(c)(3), is funded by three conservative powerhouse donors.
First up would be the infamous Koch brothers, who contribute to most of GAI’s funding through the Franklin Center, a “free market” organization dedicated to “democratizing journalism.” Also in play is another the Koch-run Donors’ Trust, a political “slush fund,” according to the blog.
Of the total $2.2 million received in 2012, $2 million came from the Franklin Center, the Koch-funded “watchdog” organization. Perhaps coincidentally, the Franklin Center also received a $2 million contribution in 2012 from Donors’ Capital, the sister organization to Donors’ Trust.
Next is the Mercer Family Foundation, headed up by the eponymous hedge fund magnate Robert Mercer. As Crooks and Liars noted, Mercer’s main targets are usually congressmen trying to roll back the power of Wall Street. Mother Jones reported that Mercer is currently the top bankroller for Sen. Ted Cruz’s (R-TX) presidential campaign.

Finally: Everybody remember when Hillary called out the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy (VRWC) and was roundly mocked for having done so? Well, gosh darn it and golly-gee-shucks, it existed then and has continued into the present day. Click the links for details.

Score from just the aforementioned wee minute of looking at the accusatory Teabaggers, Plutocrats and Pundits:
Hillary:3
Hillary Haters:0

This writer doesn’t much care for Hillary, any more than he he did for Bill. If he has to vote for her, he’ll hold his nose while so doing. But these Nixonian Ratf***ers need to be put in a cage with the rest of their rodent brethren to gnaw on each other, so that the political process can at least be slightly less infested with such vermin.

It sure would be nice to decide our 2016 votes based on facts, instead of lies spread by a load of paid “Republican” liars.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Teapublican Lindsey Graham Promises to Turn the U.S. into a Military Dictatorship

In his own seditious words:

And here’s the first thing I would do if I were president of the United States. I wouldn’t let Congress leave town until we fix this. I would literally use the military to keep them in if I had to. We’re not leaving town until we restore these defense cuts. We are not leaving town until we restore the intel cuts.

And as the source article points out:

Graham would use the military to force members of Congress to not just vote on the bill — but to pass it. Graham didn’t say “until I get an up-or-down vote on restoring defense cuts.” He said “until we restore these defense cuts.”

In other words, Graham is proposing that his first act as president would be to use the military to force the legislative branch to pass his agenda.

You might not have heard about this latest extraconstitutional move by the GOPee, since there have been so many others of late: manifold examples, including Joni Ernst’s flagrant violation of the UCMJ, Tehran Tom’s letter and the bribes that made it happen. But we all need to know about this neo-secessionist scumball and his plans for a military junta.

The sad thing? It’s not really all that surprising. Since the Reaganistas took power, “Republicans” have been grabbing more and more control over our nation, by means both legal and otherwise. All Graham is proposing is pointing actual machine guns at the heads of lawmakers, threatening them with death, imprisonment, or perhaps Gitmo if they don’t do exactly what the Teapublican Treason Team want at any particular moment.

Repubs aren’t even pretending anymore. If an armed overthrow of our nation is what they need to impose their will upon us, that’s what they’ll do. Don’t think for a moment that they won’t  do what they promise to do.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Tehran Tom Cotton was Bribed almost a Million Bucks to Send the Iran Letter.

Yep. Tehran Tom got a ton of “contributions” from agents of a foreign power to betray his country. He and the rest of the Teapublican Treason Team all took Israel’s side against America’s, but Tehran Tom the Traitor Tot got paid nearly a million dollars to do so. Perhaps the other Teapubbies got such bribes as well, but we have the goods on Tommie:

Kristol’s Emergency Committee for Israel gave Tom Cotton nearly $1 million in his race for the Senate just five months ago, Eli Clifton reported. “Cotton received $960,250 in supportive campaign advertising in the last month.”
Cotton also got $165,000 from Elliott ManagementPaul Singer’s hedge fund. Singer is the billionaire who is trying to stop Obama’s Iran talks (Clifton’s reporting again).

Notice the pattern, Gentle Reader: money comes in, and a letter goes out. It is bribery, plain and simple.

Perhaps the other 46 Senators who tried to kneecap the Prexy with their illegal letter weren’t likewise bought by agents of a foreign nation, which if true could be at least some scant mitigation for their crimes. Scant but something. Tehran Tom was bought and paid for by another government than ours: and their interests are not the same as ours.

What else do we need to prosecute this f***ing traitor? This ain’t just the usual Racist Repub hatred of our black President: it is clear-cut espionage, betrayal of our nation, Judas-like behavior (without Mr. Iscariot’s subsequent remorse).

Tehran Tom the Traitor Tot. Think he stashed any of that million clams away to flee to Israel if the cops come knocking? This writer bets he did.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Teapublicans: Wiping their A**es with the Constitution.

Seriously, what else can explain their actions of the past 35 years, since the Reaganistas took over a formerly rational political party? Consider these few examples of many:

Number A: Teapublicans in Congress are openly sabotaging negotiations between the USA and a hostile foreign power, even though the Constitution says that foreign policy is in the Executive Branch’s portfolio. So Boehner’s invitation to Bibi to “address” the Congress is more than just another of his drunkard’s hissy-fits: it violates the Constitution. Not that he is any stranger to extra-constitutional actions, of course. Look at his actions as they relate to women’s rights, minority rights, voting rights, and so on: Boehner and the rest of his party are actively breaking the law, based on an illegal premise, for an illegal purpose.

Letter 2: Teapubbies are a load of “Christian” evangelicals who want to trash the Establishment Clause and set up a Theocracy. They claim that this is a Christian nation, even though the law pretty clearly says otherwise:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.[1]

Thirdly: Teapubbies are frequently Secessionist scumballs. Such as the seditious “Republic of Texas”, the Southern National Congress, and the League of the South, to name but a very few.

All of these groups and people are Right-Wing Teabaggers, Libertarians and Teapublicans. None of them are Liberals. And all of them obviously hate America and its Constitution. By their actions we know them.

Likewise we know that people who vote for Teapublicans also support sedition, legislative overreach, and religious totalitarianism.

What’s that you say, dear “Republican” voter? You claim that you support the Constitution?

Bull-f***ing-s***. When you vote for a person or party that treats the law of the land like a**wipe, you support that treatment, as surely as if it were your own toilet into which the soiled Constitution got dropped and flushed away.

By our votes people know us. If you are voting for Teapubbies… *flush*

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Proof Positive that the Republican “War on Terror” was all Bulls***:

Remember 9/11? And how the Bushistas said we really needed the Patriot Act? And the repeal of habeas corpus? And warrantless wiretaps? And secret agencies and laws (and tons of oh-so-secret funding)? And a couple of land wars that killed lots of soldiers and civilians?

And a new Department of Homeland Security (DHS) to rule them all, and in the darkness bind them? Ohmygoodnessgracious, the DHS was ESSENTIAL to winning the Global War on Terror (GWOT) (Teapubbies totally suck out loud at acronyms, have you ever noticed?). We simply HAD to have it, and to spend billions of taxpayer dollars on it. And right away, too. Remember?

Of course you remember. So do we all. Which makes things seem puzzling today, when the Teapublicans are willing to kneecap that ever-so-very important agency, just to stick a thumb in Obama’s eye. How could they take such a risk to such an all-important entity over such a trivial matter of prosecutorial discretion of alleged illegal immigrants?

The answer is obvious: DHS isn’t really important.

DHS, GWOT, and the entirety of the “Republican agenda” of the day was, is, and will always be neither more nor less than  a right-wing wet dream come true; an enormous, extra-constitutional seizure of power and money, designed solely to enrich and empower a privileged few while impoverishing disempowering the masses.

Now that we know this to be the case, it’s time to do away with DHS and every other Bush-era “Republican” piece of policy or law that has anything at all to do with national security: because it was bulls*** when it was proposed, bulls*** when enacted, bulls*** when expanded, and is still bulls*** today.

Away with Gitmo, torture, wiretaps,  secrecy, imperialist wars of choice,  the Patriot Act, all of it. Throw it all onto the dungheap of history (as one should always do with bulls***) and return our stolen funds and freedoms to us.

And prosecute the conniving mammy-jammers responsible for the scam as well. Let them stand under the crap they created as we pitchfork it onto their compost pile.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

How do I hate thee, Keystone XL? Let me count the ways.

Actually, your humble correspondent lacks the time to list them all. But here are a few of the many facts proving that Obama did the Lower 48 a solid when he vetoed the Keystone bill yesterday:

Reason Number A: Even with the huge cost of the project, only a paltry few jobs will be created apart from temporary construction gigs. So the American workforce won’t see any long-term benefit from the project. (Note: there may be jobs cleaning up spills and decontaminating water supplies, but those would likely be temp jobs, just as with construction.)

Reason Letter 2: The profits will go to a load of already wealthy individuals and corporations. It will NOT help the American economy. Indeed, it will aggravate the existing situation of offshoring jobs and cash that could stay here instead. (The few one-percent American mother***ers who will make obscene profits will likely hide their newfound cash in offshore accounts, too. It’s how those sleazy bastards roll.)

Reason the Third: The route is beyond risky. And if one looks back at previous pipeline projects, the value proposition looks even worse. (Note: when a capitalist rag like Forbes is playing Debbie Downer on the Keystone XL, you know it’s a BAAAD idea.)

Fourthly: The project exists because the Canuckistanis are too smart to put the pipeline on their own land. Yep, you read that right: the project was rejected as a risky boondoggle by the BC government. They’d rather we get the s*** polluted out of ourselves than risk their own water supply. (Reminder: Canadians aren’t really always as nice as we think. Their politicians and plutocrats are just as scummy as ours.)

Fifth (no, not the kind that Boehner likes): Teapublican politicians like the Speaker have money invested in the Keystone scam. Little Johnny B stands to make a huge profit from it, in fact, and he ain’t the only one. And that doesn’t include the huge sums in political bribes “contributions” Teapubbie “representatives” bank from energy companies in order to get their votes bought and their own offshore accounts padded.

Friends, there just isn’t any benefit to America from this project. A very few millionaires and billionaires will make another million/billion bucks, but the vast majority of us will get nothing good from it.

And last time this blogger checked, our country was supposed to be ruled by, you know, the MAJORITY; not a minority of wealthy, inbred, greedheaded, narrow-minded, elitist poltroons. Good on the Prexy for vetoing the Keystone XL.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

John Boehner’s unconstitutional LEGISLATIVE overreach

Little Johnny Boehner has been bitching about President Obama’s supposed “executive overreach”, and how that mean old Prexy has been violating the Constitution’s Separation of Powers doctrine. So what does the Speaker do next? Why, he violates that very doctrine himself via legislative overreach. (“Grimy arse”, said the pot to the kettle.)

Boehner, you see, doesn’t like the way we are negotiating a treaty (an executive branch power) with Iran, so he invited Bibi Neti, the PM of Israel, to f*** up the negotiations address Congress. This without involving the President. That is a legislative power grab of unprecedented proportions.

And Boehner isn’t even trying to pretend. He says, straight out, that he is trying to take over treaty negotiations:

That invitation to address Congress, extended by House Speaker John A. Boehner (R-Ohio) to Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, marked a sharp rejection of Obama’s plea for Congress to stay out of negotiations over Iran’s nuclear program. If Congress votes to sanction Iran, Obama had warned, it could upset delicate and long-running talks.

Boehner said he would ignore the president’s demand, taking the unusual step of inviting a foreign leader directly into an American political debate.

Obama “expects us to stand idly by and do nothing while he cuts a bad deal with Iran,” Boehner told fellow Republicans at a closed-door meeting Wednesday morning, according remarks provided by a senior GOP aide. “Two words: ‘Hell no!’ . . . We’re going to do no such thing.”

Boehner also told reporters Wednesday morning that he did not speak with Obama before inviting Netanyahu to address Congress.

The Speaker’s pot arse is far grimier than the Prexy’s kettle one. If Boehner were truly concerned about the Constitution, he would not be using an agent of a foreign power to kneecap the President while Obama is negotiating with another, unfriendly, nation.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

So, if Boehner thinks Obama broke the law, why didn’t he take the President to court?

That is, after all, what one does when laws are broken, yes? And Little Johnny Boehner says laws were broken, yes sirree:

” This is not about, actually, the issue of immigration,” said Boehner after a closed-door meeting with rank-and-file Republicans. “What it is: It’s about the president acting lawlessly.”

We’re voting to block the president’s overreach,” Boehner told reporters on Tuesday, when asked about the potential impact on the Latino vote. “His executive overreach, which I believe is beyond his constitutional duty and frankly violates the Constitution itself.”

Ooooh, sounds like quite the crime spree. You’d think the Speaker would have platoons of lawyers clamoring at the doors of Federal courts, demanding that justice be wrought upon the Eeevil Obamanator.

But he hasn’t. Instead, he is trying to deport Hispanics. Uhhhhhh …. How, Mr. Speaker, does that address the Prexy’s supposed extra-constitutional, “lawless”, dictatorial actions?

The answer is, of course, these deportations have NOTHING AT ALL TO DO with any alleged illegal Presidential acts. It’s just Teapublicans being their usual racist, bigoted, corrupt, motherf***ing selves.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

The new Teapublican Congess is doing exactly what they said they’d do. Stop acting surprised.

Really, people, come on. A party full of corrupt, seditious, hypocritical, mendacious motherf***ers was given expanded power by America’s Idiot Electorate,and they are doing just what they promised to do. In the first day or so of “Republican” control, they have:

Number A, elected a KKK-loving white supremacist to a senior leadership position;

Letter 2, tried to destroy a vital part of Social Security,

Thirdly, tried to once again violate the Constitution’s separation of powers by pushing foward to a vote “approving” the Keystone XL pipeline.

And that was in a matter of hours, with lots more to come. Nobody should be surprised: all of these things (secessionism, classism, racism, corruption and greed) have been core GOPee values for decades now. They said, over and over, that they would gut the social security system, throw the environment in the crapper, oppress people of color, and steal our money to give to their 1% cronies. Now they are fulfilling their promises.

America, you knew this would happen, and most of you either helped it happen, or sat back and let it happen. Unless you, personally, were either: not allowed to vote; or voted so as to defeat each and every Teapubbie in each and every race when last you cast a ballot, it’s partly your f*** ing fault.

We are all about to suffer because many Americans are: stupid; evil: lazy; or some combination of the three. Just don’t try to convince this writer that you are shocked. You’re not. We all knew what it would mean if the Repubs took control, and now they have control.

We’re all about to be f***ed. They told us they would f*** us, and they are now dropping trou and bending the lot of us over their desks. Surprising? Not at all.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky