The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Competition is a yearly contest to judge horrible opening sentences to  horrible novels, and crown a “best of the worst”.  Every year, it provides amusement to many, while providing writers everywhere with an indication of how low the bar may be set for someone wishing to call one’s self a “writer”.

One example of the “dishonorable mentions” :

When the slinky redhead slunk into the throbbing, strobe-lit nightclub, Elwood’s eyes fastened on her the way a toilet plunger will fasten onto a hard surface if you shove it down just right, but her returning glance, while smoldering, was actually more caustic and burned his tender ego the way liquid Drano can burn your hand if you spill some on it, having disregarded the manufacturer’s warning. — Jeff Treder, Springfield, OR

That is truly, magnificently awful. Lots more at the link. Go there to see the winner, and the many other contenders. A laugh is a good thing.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky