“War on Christmas?” Gimme a Friggin’ Break, OK?

The “Christian Right” is starting into its annual festive tizzy about how Baby Jesus is being dissed due to people uttering words other than “Merry Christmas” during the period of time between Halloween and New Year’s Eve. In reality, of course, there is no such “war on Christmas”, and has never been. You want the real story on the annual celebration? Here ya go:

When the weather gets cold and the days get short, people like to have a party, to lift their spirits. It’s been going on for, literally, thousands of years, all over the planet. Vis. and to wit:

In ancient Rome, it was called Saturnalia (or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti).
Modern American Hindus celebrate Pancha Ganapati.
Vainakhs celebrated Malkh.
Saxons celebrated Mōdraniht.
European-descended Pagans have a Yule holiday.
Persian-descended Pagans celebrate Shabe Yaldā.
Christians, of course, have Christmas.
The jewish people celebrate Hanukkah.
Slavic folk have been known to observe Malanka.

To name but a few. Get the idea? When all around is dark and dreary, we humans like to have some light and merriment.

So just because Christian missionairies in the British Isles decided to adapt some Celtic Pagan observances by inventing a birthday celebration for Rebbe Yeshuah Bar Joseph (AKA Jesus), and just because we Christian types happen to be in the majority in contemporary America, doesn’t mean other people in and from other cultures don’t have a right to party in the manner of their own choosing. We all need a bit of a pick-me-up when nature has us feeling down.

It’s gotten worse since Fundagelicals have decided to repurpose the celebratory holiday of Christmas into yet another evangelical outlet; because when religious people are looking for converts, they can get pretty militant. (See the Albigensian Crusade for another example besides the current ones.) Songs like “Mary, Did You Know” are perfect examples of this phenomenon. It’s no longer enough to wish the Savior a happy birthday and give gifts and charity to others: no, these proselytizeing latter-day Puritans are after your very souls. Damn your fun, they are on a mission!

Everybody, just take a breath and smile. Drive away the chill and dark with warmth and light. It’s what humans do. All of us. For all of our history. This writer loves the opportunity to liven up the blah days of a blah season, and doesn’t care what you call your party.

Call it “Bob”, if you want. It might prevent a few wars, or a few Fox News editorials at the very least. The reason for the season is: to help ourselves and those around us to be a wee bit happier.

So Happy Bob to one and all.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

American “Christians”, you are NOT being oppressed. Repeat, NOT BEING OPPRESSED.

Here is the latest in a flurry of non-reality-based memes on the subject:

How wrong is it? Let us count the ways:
Number A: they are free to say grace over their meal. Nobody ever said they couldn’t. But the meme falsely implies that they are bravely taking a stand against some mythical oppressor who seeks to stop their prayer. There is, of course, no such oppressor, but that fact matters not at all to the Fundagelicals.
Letter 2: see anybody there pelting these hard-working public servants with atheistic tracts? Nope. Most Americans don’t much care who you pray to, when, how or why.
Thirdly: assuming that the promulgators of this meme consider themselves to be Christians, they should read Rebbe Yeshuah bar Joseph’s words in Matthew:6. You know, the words about not being phony and ostentatious in their prayer.

Odds are, the people depicted had nothing to do with the meme: just people saying grace before a meal. Good on them. It’s their right to do so.

The problem is with the yahoo prostletyzers who are using this ordinary picture to try and enforce their wingnut agendas on the rest of us. This writer wishes they’d spend more time reading their Constitutions and less trying to subvert it.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

It’s 9/11. Remember who attacked us. And who let it happen. And who made money from the attacks.

Today is September 11th, and in order to truly honor the memory of those who died at the hands of those terrorist goat-f***ers in Al-Quaida, this writer will forego the usual platitudes, and instead point a big finger at the “Republicans” who sat back and let it happen; and then used those thousands of deaths to further their political ends whilst padding their offshore bank accounts. Think that is inappropriate, nasty, partisan, or lese-majeste? Gentle Reader, you ain’t heard nothing yet.

The 9/11 Commission report said that the Bushistas ignored the threat until after the attacks had occurred. And then, of course, they used the deaths of our fellow citizens to launch a phony war in Iraq and make themselves multi- millionaires. It’s all public record, click the links if you don’t believe it.

In stark contrast to the incompetence, malfeasance, and obfuscation of the “Republicans” stands President Obama. People told him about an imminent terrorist threat, and he quickly got started kicking their mass-murdering asses. And he told the country exactly what he was gonna do: bomb, shoot, and generally kill all of the Shaitan-worshipping thugs in ISIS. That, friends, is how you respond to an attack. Openly, firmly, and honestly.

There are still fools around the world who think the Prexy is weak, indecisive, or naive. To those idiots, we present four words:
Osama
Bin
Laden’s
Dead.
He died because Obama had the smarts and the testicular fortitude to pursue the mutt and kill his ass. The Bushies didn’t care enough to catch the motherf***er, which helped Al-Quaida grow stronger and prosper by showing the world that America would not punish those who attack us. But the Dems in the White House DID care, justice WAS rendered, and today Al-Quaida is a shattered remnant of the jihadi collossus it once was. Punishing criminals works a lot better than rewarding them.

We can best honor the victims of crimes by rendering justice on the criminals, and preventing future crimes. To the first point, not all of the criminals of 9/11 have been brought to justice yet, but Obama has made a good start. And to the second, he is doing things differently than his predecessor, thus helping to prevent a recurrence of 9/11.

Not to say that Obama’s actions are without risk. They carry enormous potential for blowback and unintended consequences. But doing nothing failed in 2001, and failed earlier this year as well. Terrorists will commit acts of terror whether men of good will do nothing, or do something. It’s what terrorists do. At least killing them, taking their money, and destroying their assets slows them down. (Again, see what has happened to Al-Quaida since PBO took office.)

The Bushies have the blood of innocents on their hands and in their wallets. Never forget, Gentle Reader. Because if we forget, it’ll happen again. Good luck to President Obama and all the brave people who fight for us every day. And bad cess to those who attack us, abandon us, and use tragedy to manipulate us.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Bunnies and Eggs Are Not Sacred Christian Symbols

Evidently, some Christians need reminded: over the weekend, Google was blasted for its Doodle on Easter Morning. Said Doodle was a picture of Cesar Chavez, the late humanitarian and advocate for migrant workers.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky first heard of the “controversy” via his Facebook page, on which he saw a fair few outraged posts about Google’s supposed anti-Christian Doodle du jour. at first he thought the posters were too ignorant (or too full of Right-wing political nonsense) to know the actual deeds and beliefs of Cesar Chavez, but that was an overestimation of their intelligence.

No, the angrily-tweeting Christians were upset that there were no cutesy pictures of Easter eggs, Easter Bunnies or such. Yes, you read that correctly. They think the AntiChrist has arrived and its name is a search engine’s, because there was no hippity-hoppity, floppy-eared, egg dispensing cartoon creature prancing across the homepage.

Now, this is not to diss bunnies, eggs, candy and plastic green grass; nor is it meant to denigrate the sacrifice made by Rabbi Jesus of Nazareth. This writer appreciates all of these things.

But it makes you wonder if any of those protesting have actually read their Bibles lately. Because if they had, they’d know that cute little Lagomorphs and colored avian ova do not appear in the tale of Christ’s sacrifice and resurrection. Nowhere. Not once.

Mr. B & C