You are NOT a Conservative. Stop calling yourself one.

Unless you actually fit the definition of a “Conservative”:

noun
1: a person who believes in the value of established and traditional practices in politics and society : a person who is politically conservative.
2: a: one who adheres to traditional methods or views
b :a cautious or discreet person.

Sadly, most “conservative” Americans bear little or no resemblance to the agreed-upon meaning of the word. Some examples:

Number A: The “Reagan Revolution”. Helpful hint: there is no such thing as a “conservative revolutionary”. Real conservatives abominate the very idea of radical change. So all you NRA machine-gun nuts, anti-abortion screechers, morals policemen and theocrats are not one damned bit conservative.

Letter 2: Intentional ignorance is not at all “conservative”, because existing knowledge is something built up over history, and thus part of our intellectual tradition. People who pretend that facts are debatable are not conservative; they are radicalized f***wits.

Thirdly: real conservatives respect the Constitution and its amendments. They do not advocate sedition, the violent overthrow of the government, secession, or unconstitutional disenfranchisement and/or discrimination against women, LGBT citizens, or non-whites.

And shut up with the “words can mean something different to me than you” horses***. The word means what it means, and all the NeoCons are doing is rebranding themselves so that people won’t see them as the violent, hateful, extremist, treasonous scum that they are. By changing the meaning of the word, a’la Orwell, the Raging Righties in Their Tightie Whities are trying to (and succeeding at) conning the populace into supporting them as they slowly slice our government’s throat.It’s lying, propagandizing, anti-American crap.

The crowning irony of all this: it is the Liberals who are actually trying to stop the right-wing, libertarian, teabagging revolutionaries from burning down and blowing up our democracy. Yes. Liberals (along with the few true centrists and other antidisestablishmentarianists remaining) have become modern America’s true conservatives, because they fit the definition.

Ain’t that some f***ed-up s***? But not as f***ed as all the douchenozzles who lie when they call themselves “conservatives”.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Conservatives are Cowards. Liberals are Brave. Which Do YOU Want Working for You?

At least, that’s this writer’s take on it. If you look at what the Left and Right stand for, it seems pretty clear. If you listen to how they speak, it seems even more so. And when you look at how they behave, it seems irrefutable.

“Conservatives” are afraid of women, so they pass laws disempowering them.
“Conservatives” are afraid of LGBTQ people, so they pass laws disempowering them.
“Conservatives” are afraid of People of Color, so they pass laws disempowering them.
“Conservatives” are afraid of poor folk, so they pass laws disempowering them.
“Conservatives” are afraid of non-Christians, so they pass laws disempowering THEM.

And it doesn’t stop there.

“Conservatives” are afraid of free speech, so they pass laws taking away our free speech.
“Conservatives” are afraid of sex, so they pass LOTS of laws restricting it.
“Conservatives” are afraid of losing elections, so they rig elections and take away non-rich-white males’ voting rights.
“Conservatives” are afraid of their own government, so they buy themselves more guns than any person could ever use.
“Conservatives” are afraid of Ebola, so they want to force medical workers into solitary confinement just because they are scared.

On and on, and it never stops. “Republicans” are a bunch of wimps who, when it comes down to Fight or Flight, chose Flight 100% of the time. Big-talking wussies like Chris Christie and John McCain, who run and hide, cowering in the shadows if  ever they are called on their braggadocio.

Liberals behave, of course, in the exact opposite manner. They confront problems and deal with them. They are “Fighters”, not “Flighters”.

Next Tuesday, you have a choice: give control of the most powerful nation in the world to a load of scaredy-cat, bullying little wankers (Repubs), or a bunch of flawed but courageous Liberals (Democrats). It’s kind of a big deal, Gentle Reader. A pretty big and very consequential choice.

Choose the candidates with guts. Vote out the Wussie NeoConservative Caucus.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky