You are NOT a Conservative. Stop calling yourself one.

Unless you actually fit the definition of a “Conservative”:

noun
1: a person who believes in the value of established and traditional practices in politics and society : a person who is politically conservative.
2: a: one who adheres to traditional methods or views
b :a cautious or discreet person.

Sadly, most “conservative” Americans bear little or no resemblance to the agreed-upon meaning of the word. Some examples:

Number A: The “Reagan Revolution”. Helpful hint: there is no such thing as a “conservative revolutionary”. Real conservatives abominate the very idea of radical change. So all you NRA machine-gun nuts, anti-abortion screechers, morals policemen and theocrats are not one damned bit conservative.

Letter 2: Intentional ignorance is not at all “conservative”, because existing knowledge is something built up over history, and thus part of our intellectual tradition. People who pretend that facts are debatable are not conservative; they are radicalized f***wits.

Thirdly: real conservatives respect the Constitution and its amendments. They do not advocate sedition, the violent overthrow of the government, secession, or unconstitutional disenfranchisement and/or discrimination against women, LGBT citizens, or non-whites.

And shut up with the “words can mean something different to me than you” horses***. The word means what it means, and all the NeoCons are doing is rebranding themselves so that people won’t see them as the violent, hateful, extremist, treasonous scum that they are. By changing the meaning of the word, a’la Orwell, the Raging Righties in Their Tightie Whities are trying to (and succeeding at) conning the populace into supporting them as they slowly slice our government’s throat.It’s lying, propagandizing, anti-American crap.

The crowning irony of all this: it is the Liberals who are actually trying to stop the right-wing, libertarian, teabagging revolutionaries from burning down and blowing up our democracy. Yes. Liberals (along with the few true centrists and other antidisestablishmentarianists remaining) have become modern America’s true conservatives, because they fit the definition.

Ain’t that some f***ed-up s***? But not as f***ed as all the douchenozzles who lie when they call themselves “conservatives”.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

A Week of Harsh Truths, Day Three: There is NO Liberal Media to Not Believe In

No matter how many bumper stickers you may have seen, America does not have a “liberal media”. Nor does it have a “conservative media”. What we have, gentle readers, is a commercial media. Since the Reagan era, our media has been based on profitability, not ideology.

You can argue the last point, perhaps: there is a possible chicken/egg scenario (did profitability drive the conservative domination of media, or did the conservative dominance drive profit?). But you can’t prove a liberal bias, because the facts prove otherwise.

You also cannot dismiss the influence of profit on “news” since the Reaganistas did away with the Fairness Doctrine. The “infotainment” industry demands high ratings so as to make money from advertisers. For the past few decades, putting a ” conservative” slant in things has been the most reliable way to get ratings, which is why there has been no “liberal bias”. None. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

Mr. B & C

“Conservatives” And Science Don’t Mix

Phyllis Schafly’s idiot son has, in his wisdom,determined that Einstein was a fount of “liberal claptrap”. In addition to this breathtaking insight, he has determined that modern physics has been created to make more women have abortions.

Read the article if you have nothing better to do. In it the Bible is, once again, cited as the ultimate scientific authority, which often happens when partially-educated people try to use “logic” to come up with the answer they want (instead of the correct answer).

The big problem is; lots of people who haven’t taken lots of science classes will read this article, note the appearance of erudition, and believe what they are reading. And that would be a crying shame.

The ultimate irony? Because of these Fundagelical anti-reality crusaders, America is not turning out enough engineers and scientists to fill all of the jobs that require them. So we have to hire foreigners to do the jobs that require scientific knowledge. And many of the same Fundie loons that are dumbing-down our people are also fiercely anti-immigrant.

So, by crusading against one thing they hate, they are creating something else they hate: and of course, they are too stupid to realize it.

Mr. B & C