Archives for posts with tag: mike huckabee

The whole Teabagger Meltdown over Caitlyn Jenner is just the most recent example of hypocritical moralizers with their own secretly amoral lives: for instance, the many-times-married, closeted gay foghorn Rush Limbaugh lambasted her for, well, being a her. Mike Huckabee responded to the Vanity Fair photo of Ms. Jenner by extolling the joys of showering with underaged girls. And so on. And on. AND on.

Every time a politico excoriates an opponent for conduct unbecoming, we come to find out that they have a related skeleton in their own closet. Like “pro-lifer” Scott DesJarlais, who pressured his own wife and mistress to get abortions. Or David Vitter, who hates all sex offenders except himself? Or the crew of Congressional Sluts (Hastert, Hyde, Gingrich, et. al.) who prosecuted Bubba in Blowjobgate?

Sometimes, a fiscal hawk can indeed be a good money manager. And some defense critics actually have served in combat. But never will you see a preachy poltico or pundit rant and rail about dah gay, or women’s healthcare, or anything related to sexual morality who doesn’t have his or her own little secret sex life. Usually one that they are pretending to hate.

Put another way,Orin Kerr recently said these few pithy words:

“If I understand the history correctly, in the late 1990s, the President was impeached for lying about a sexual affair by a House of Representatives led by a man who was also then hiding a sexual affair, who was supposed to be replaced by another Congressman who stepped down when forced to reveal that he too was having a sexual affair, which led to the election of a new Speaker of the House who now has been indicted for lying about payments covering up his sexual contact with a boy.”

Cranky’s First Law has been proven. NEVER trust a politico, pundit, or plutocrat who claims to hate ANY sort of sex or gender-related activity. Sure as eggs is eggs, they are down with some serious private (and mayhap illegal) naughtiness of their own.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Bluntly and Crankily summarized, here are the likely candidates for President in 2016:

Bernie Sanders: If there are more smart people in America than the polls indicate, he’s in.

Hillary Clinton: Meet the new Democratic President, same as the old Democratic President.

Jim Webb: Might as well be a Republican.

Lincoln Chafee: Pretty much still IS a Republican.

Joe Biden: Good at calming shoulder rubs. Would like to calm the entire country.

Marco Rubio: Can’t even handle a water bottle. Wants to run an entire country.

Mike Huckabee: Optimistic hypocrite who doesn’t have the nerve to quit.

Ben Carson: All Brains. No Heart.

Ted Cruz: Because Birthers and Teavangelicals are complete idiots.

Rand Paul: Because Libertarians and Teabaggers are even bigger idiots.

Carly Fiorina: Proud of her failure in Tech, wants to proudly fail the entire country.

Chris Christie: Christ in name only. Still unindicted.

Jeb Bush: Helped steal the White House in 2000. Would love to do it again.

Scott Walker: Will destroy everything Americans hold dear. Will get votes anyway.

Donald Trump: Told his hair stylist, “You’re Fired!”

Mr. Blunt and Cranky