Teabagging, Secessionist Texans are now BEGGING Obama to help them. Can you say, “Biting the hand that feeds you”?

We knew you could.

It was less than a month ago, you’ll remember, when bats***-crazy Teacessionists claimed Obama was a-gonna invade Texas because the military was gonna practice, well, military stuff in the state. (Use “The Google” and search “Jade Helm” for details.) The Governor and many other Texas Teabaggers (in government and out) called (as they often do) for secession, armed resistance, and all the usual loony Lone Star bellicosity we’ve come to expect from those needle-d***ed, pea-brained dips***s.

Never mind that such military exercises bring a load of cash to the state and local environs, never mind that those same politicos were screaming for more Federal soldiers to be stationed in Texas to combat illegal immigrants not so long ago: NoNoNo, the eeeevil Federals and that dirty Obaminator-In-Chief were just itching to take over Texas, yupyupyup. And them thar proud Texans were gonna fight tooth, fang and claw to keep them Federal types away. Yupyupyup.

Then came a natural disaster.

And then, as always, came the usual demands (from those same TeaTexBaggers, of course) that the recently-reviled Federals come in and save the poor, helpless, suffering state of Texas, pleasepleaseplease. Christ on a Stetson, really? No, seriously, really? What happened to the proud, self-reliant, “we don’t need no stinkin’ Obama” attitude of just a few days prior?

The same a**holes that recently claimed that FEMA was setting up death camps are now begging FEMA to give them the essentials of life. The same crazies who deployed the National Guard to fight the apparently evil U.S. Army are now begging that very same U.S. Army to come on into Texas and help them. Anybody else see the blatant self-contradictions at work here?

This writer knows a goodly number of Texans and is aware that many (and perhaps most) people in that state are neither Teabaggers nor secessionists. Indeed, the average citizen of any state is not going to be agreement with the political hacks that run said states. Lord knows, this writer is hardly in agreement with Kasich’s Korrupt Kronies, for example. So please, don’t go lobbing nonsense attacks towards your humble bloggespondent or start some silly-a**ed #NotAllTexans Twitterfest.

But let’s DO encourage all of the good, sensible, hard-working people in Texas to assert their rights and run the “Republican” jackalopes out of office at the first opportunity, replacing them with representatives that reflect the interests of the majority of the state’s residents. Then maybe the local, state and national governments can work as a team again, as the Constitution says they are supposed to. And we can stop treating Texas politicians like the jokes most of them are.

Until that happens, Obama will have to just keep on feeding the teabagging, secessionist, deluded, idiotic Texas mouths that bite him.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Teapublican Lindsey Graham Promises to Turn the U.S. into a Military Dictatorship

In his own seditious words:

And here’s the first thing I would do if I were president of the United States. I wouldn’t let Congress leave town until we fix this. I would literally use the military to keep them in if I had to. We’re not leaving town until we restore these defense cuts. We are not leaving town until we restore the intel cuts.

And as the source article points out:

Graham would use the military to force members of Congress to not just vote on the bill — but to pass it. Graham didn’t say “until I get an up-or-down vote on restoring defense cuts.” He said “until we restore these defense cuts.”

In other words, Graham is proposing that his first act as president would be to use the military to force the legislative branch to pass his agenda.

You might not have heard about this latest extraconstitutional move by the GOPee, since there have been so many others of late: manifold examples, including Joni Ernst’s flagrant violation of the UCMJ, Tehran Tom’s letter and the bribes that made it happen. But we all need to know about this neo-secessionist scumball and his plans for a military junta.

The sad thing? It’s not really all that surprising. Since the Reaganistas took power, “Republicans” have been grabbing more and more control over our nation, by means both legal and otherwise. All Graham is proposing is pointing actual machine guns at the heads of lawmakers, threatening them with death, imprisonment, or perhaps Gitmo if they don’t do exactly what the Teapublican Treason Team want at any particular moment.

Repubs aren’t even pretending anymore. If an armed overthrow of our nation is what they need to impose their will upon us, that’s what they’ll do. Don’t think for a moment that they won’t  do what they promise to do.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

John McCain, please shut the hell up.

Once again, we breathe a sigh of relief that this idiotic gnome never became President: yesterday, he said he could tell us which Syrian rebel groups would be our allies in the future. Yes. He said it. Listen here if you doubt the Cranky One.

To make such a statement, one would assume he has  an awesome track record when picking partners and predicting outcomes in the Middle East. But alas, he does not:

But to buy into the McCain-knows-best version of the Iraq war, you have to ignore a lot of history. McCain was among the most aggressive proponents of a preemptive strike against Saddam Hussein, cosponsoring the resolution authorizing the use of force against Iraq. He also expressed full faith in the way it would be executed — a war plan conceived and executed by Rumsfeld.
He did call for more troops in Iraq sooner than some, but later than others who made the same argument before the first shots were even fired. And McCain’s support for Rumsfeld only evaporated over time, as it became painfully clear that the war in Iraq was going south.

Senator McCain has pretty much been wrong on the Middle East whenever he opened his mouth on the subject. Here is a short list of applicable quotes. But just as crashing multiple jets failed to damage his Navy career, being totally wrong about Iraq has not hurt his career in the Senate.

This writer wishes reporters would stop asking an obvious nincompoop for his opinion. But since journos aren’t smart enough for that, let’s ask John McCain to STFU. Or else give his staff a big-assed roll of duct tape for McCain’s mouth.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

“Remember who the real enemy is”. Day One: Our lapdog media.

Another day, another lying, anti-ObamaCare hit piece. This one on NPR, “showing” how it would hurt Dems in the next election. Lots of readers would be surprised to hear that NPR is participating in the anti-ACA witch-hunts that litter the mediascape like so many bloated buzzards, because NPR is supposedly a “liberal” outlet. But that is no longer the case, and hasn’t been for quite some time.

The truth is, 95% of the American “news” media is neither liberal nor conservative: they are driven by revenue, not ideology. NBC and Fox, for example, get paid by their advertisers and owners to put out stories that make more people watch their networks, because that makes more money for them. NPR does the same thing, except they call their paymasters “underwriters”. Same thing, different labels.

Back in the day (the 60’s and the 70’s), we used to say, “remember who the real enemy is”: it wasn’t the soldiers or the National Guard, it was the politicians and Military-Industrial Complex that gave the orders. Orders meant to increase the wealth and power of a very few, at the expense of the rest of us. So it was then, so it has always been, and so it is now. The real enemy is the class of powerful, wealthy, power-hungry motherf***ers who manipulate our politicians and media outlets in order to manipulate us.

“Remember who the real enemy is”. It is a truth that bears repeating. And this writer was pleased to hear it in the Dystopian allegory du jour (“The Hunger Games”), because a helluva lot of people need reminding. Generations of humans have been herded like cattle, and used in much the same way. We are NOT cattle, however; and we needn’t and shouldn’t compliantly chew our cud, being used up and milked of all our resources while we live, and eventually getting it where the livestock gets it.

Whenever you hear the “news” media harping on a single theme in near-unison, you can bet someone is paying for that chorus to sing those notes and recite those lyrics. Maybe the lyrics are lies, maybe they are selected bits of truth, but they are all chosen to deliver the message of our enemy. And that enemy has no single skin color, political affiliation, location, sexual orientation or gender: it is defined only by its ruthless rapacity and relentless creativity in fooling the foolish, gulling the gullible, and screwing the screwable.

And the Media take their silver and play their scripted part, making them (if not the enemy themselves), at least the willing accomplices of that enemy.

Tomorrow: trickle-down economics, and how successful it has been in robbing and dividing us.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Lying Sack of S*** of The Week: Jim Porter

And who, you might ask, is Jim Porter? Why, he is the new Big Boss Gun Nut of the NRA. And a few of his truly epic lies (as well as his evident barking madness) can be found here.

Quite aside from his bulls*** validation of treasonous behavior (he thinks the South was right to secede in the 1800’s, for example), this nutjob says that the reason the NRA exists is to teach each and every one of us “the use of the standard military firearm”.

Really? Standard military firearms include automatic rifles, machine guns, grenade launchers, and other such weapons. Many of which are illegal, per the Constitution as interpreted by the Supreme Court.

So, apparently, this jackass thinks the NRA was founded in order to do illegal, seditious acts, and to teach us all to do likewise. What the NRA usually says is that they are helping to preserve our Constitutional rights. So, either the NRA’s been lying about its mission for a good few years, or Mr. Porter has earned his Crown O’ Polished Turds. This writer thinks it is the latter.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

You Don’t Need Guns to Overthrow our Government

Lots of people have been conned by the gun industry (and their stooges at the NRA) into stockpiling weapons and ammunition so as to be “ready to resist a government takeover” or some such twaddle. Millions of dollars have been taken from the gullible and deposited in the bank accounts of weapon merchants, and of course all for naught.

Naught, that is, if it’s overthrowing a tyrannical government you’re wanting to accomplish. First of all, your knock-off versions of Mattel toy rifles will accomplish doodly-squat against a trained and well-equipped military force; and secondly, there are better ways to take over the the reins of power in America. Ways that have already succeeded, and that you probably didn’t notice.

Example: the “Republican” takeover of the United States of America, which occurred between 1976 and 2007. Never a shot fired, done legally, and very effective indeed. You missed it, you say?

Short version: after Nixon, the Reeps and their corporate paymasters got their collective wedding tackle kicked in so far they had craters in their crotches, they got together and planned their revenge: said plan contained in the Powell Memo. The gist? To take over the media, deregulate businesses, concentrate wealth, rig elections, rewrite laws and create think tanks that would re-invent reality a’la Orwell: all for the benefit of the “conservatives” involved.

Here are two sources that explain how the Elephants planned and executed their coup:
Number A: a thoughtful (if somewhat partisan) analysis along with source documents for the wonkier folks: Should be Required Reading
Letter 2: a shorter version that hits the high points and captures the essence (focus on the lyrics ): Ignoreland by REM.

Needless to say, the “revolution” was quite successful indeed: look at the results in terms of law, media, income inequality, gerrymandering, government philosophy, and a host of other elements of modern American life. The “conservative” “republicans” have managed to largely remake the nation on their terms and to their benefit, and to the detriment of the majority. Nary a single assault rifle was used in this overthrow. Hell, not even a single round from a BB gun was fired.

And now you, with your little gun safe full of crappy little imported weapons, are going to do better than that? This writer rather thinks not.

Mr. B & C

Congress DOESN’T Really Care About Deficits

Here is an interesting article that points out the lie that is Congressional rhetoric:

http://security.blogs.cnn.com/2012/10/09/army-to-congress-thanks-but-no-tanks/?hpt=hp_c2

In brief: the Congress is telling the Defense Department how to do its job, and spending money that the Pentagon does not want spent. Why, you ask? ‘Tis elementary, my dear Watson:

“We are saying it’s true in pretty much all aspects of politics – but especially the defense industry. It’s almost impossible to separate out the money that is going into elections and the special interests. And what we found was the direct spike in the giving around certain important dates that were tied to votes.” So says Aaron Metha, one of the report’s authors. Put another way: Congress is more interested in lining its pockets than properly funding the operations of our government. And we get stuck with the bill while they become millionaires in the process.

Next time you hear a Senator or Congresscritter rail against deficits, take it with a ton or two of salt. They don’t care about us, or our troops, or the deficit, or the debt: they only care about how much money they can stuff into their billfolds.

Mr. B & C

Bitch-Slapped Sacks of S*** of The Week – Texas Legislators

It’s not often that a state gets the Judiciary Smackdown dropped on them twice in the same week, but those wiley Republican coyotes in Texas have felt the Acme Super-Dooper Bitch Slap Kit whack their corpulent cheeks in such wise this past week. In a state that is trending towards fewer white voters, the white legislators are trying every trick in the book to hold onto power, even as they become what they despise (a minority group).

First, their Voter ID law got flushed down the pooper because it, well, discriminated against everybody who isn’t white and financially secure. “Naughty, Naughty” said the court as it pulled the chain and sent the law swirling down into the sewer.

Then their Redistricting Plan got like treatment, for the same reason. The courts said “I can NOT believe this s***, and pulled the chain again. Swoosh, swirl, buh-bye to the crooked white guy laws.

This is yet another example of the corrosive effects of party politics on the nation. In order to hold onto power, a political party (the ‘Phants in this case) lied, cheated, and broke laws left and right. They could have spent the taxpayers’ money on roads, bridges, cops, or useful things like that; but because their party is more important to them than the people, they wasted their constituents’ hard-earned on gerrymandering and voter suppression.

Rarely has a group of individuals been more worthy of being bitch-slapped, and twice within a few days at that. It warms the cockles of this blunt, cranky old heart to see an entire state party get taken down in such a brutal fashion.

Mr. B & C

P.S. Ohio got two judicial bitch-slaps this week, too, for the same partisan horses*** behavior. But Ohio gets a lot of crap in this blog already, so Texas got the headline. One must share the Blunt and Crank around every once in a while, n’cest pas?