How “Republicans” Kill Government Agencies and Profit Thereby

Mr. Blunt and Cranky has a daughter who is very much into horses, and has been since her days in 4-H. He therefore knows about the “impost”. This is extra weight placed on a horse to slow it down during a race. It is supposed to make a race more fair, but is sometimes used to rig a race by making sure a certain horse loses: this makes lots of shady money for certain shady individuals.

We see the same thing in other areas, of course: one example is the United States Postal Service (USPS), a government agency that is mandated by the Constitution. The “impost” placed on this “horse” by Congressional “Republicans” is a requirement to pre-fund worker pensions 75 years into the future: that includes people who haven’t even been born yet. Needless to say, none of their competitors (like FedEx and UPS) have to do anything remotely like this.

Why would Congress do something to weaken an agency that is required by the Constitution? One word: Money. You see, the private companies bribe our “representatives”, and in return they use their power to illegally support those companies that bribe them by wiping out the Postal Service.

The ultimate goal is to “privatize” postal services. That would make the bribing bastards even more money, which means even bigger bribes for the corrupt swine who suck off the trough of dollars provided to them. Of course, if you’re not one of the lucky congresscritters who have access to those millions of dollars in baksheesh, it’s a pretty raw deal.

While our millionaire “representatives” loll about their sties, we the people would be faced with a several thousand percent increase in the cost of shipping everything from birthday cards to packages. imagine sending Christmas cards when instead of paying, say, fifty cents, you’d pay $10.00 or more for each piece of mail.

That is, you’d pay it if you could even get it in the mail. You see, another “impost” placed upon the USPS is the requirement to service anyone and everyone in the United States, no matter where you live and work. Private companies have no such requirement. In fact (and here’s another “impost”), the USPS is required by Congress to deliver items for their competitors.

Get the picture? Our “representatives” are so busy providing services to the industries that bribe them that they have no problem violating the Constitution by killing off the Post Office. Our loss, and Congress’s gain.

If that doesn’t get you angry, then you probably need an impost placed on your back. Then you might understand what it’s like to be illegally and permanently relegated to the back of the pack.

Mr. B & C

You Can’t Be Partly Pregnant

Mr. Blunt and Cranky was reminded of this old saying while listening to the latest Postal Service brouhaha. For those who have not heard the noise, here is a brief recap: the Posties are broke; indeed, they are as broke as the Ten Commandments. And every time they try something to fix their problem, all Hell breaks loose.

This is because the agency is required to be “partly pregnant”: a constitutionally-mandated government agency that is simultaneously expected to run itself like a private business. That is confusing enough as it is, but wait- there’s more.

The USPS is required by law to serve everyone, anywhere in the U.S., no matter how remote, at the same price, quality and speed. Oh, and Congress can veto many actions of the USPS, and add additional mandates as it sees fit, whenever Congress takes a fancy to.

The USPS tried to cut costs by closing and consolidating under-used post offices. They got smacked down. They tried other ways to save money, and got spanked again. Notice that private concerns like FedEx did similar things to become leaner and meaner, and no one turned a hair.

So we have a government agency, regulated to a ludicrous degree, that is expected to somehow compete with lightly-regulated private-sector businesses like FedEx and UPS. That’s like expecting a duck-billed platypus to outrun a thoroughbred at Churchill Downs.

You can’t be partly pregnant. You can’t be partly private or partly public either. Demanding that the Postal Service be held to two incompatible standards is like baking a Limburger-sour-cream-chocolate-and-onion birthday cake with ketchup icing: you can make it, but no one will be happy with the results.

Mr. B & C