Archives for posts with tag: quiverfull

Guest blogger CoffeeCat offers up the single most powerful piece of writing on the Duggar mess:
Iceberg families like mine; like the Duggars.

My family of origin was similar to the Duggars–and similar to an iceberg. What we showed the public was the surface ten percent. When the doors were closed and no one was looking–our family members played our life out in the submerged dark waters that made up the remaining, unseen 90 percent. It’s where I spent my childhood and adolescence. 

There was hitting. There was slapping. There was emotional abuse. Their was spiritual abuse. There was degradation and name calling and screaming. And sexual abuse. 

We had to keep up appearances. We were a “religious family” and how we looked and how we acted to the outside world, were tantamount. 

I understand the Duggar family. I wish I didn’t. I know what it is like to be a victim of sexual abuse. I know what it is like to feel pressure to project an image of perfection and happiness–and to be dying on the inside. I know what it is like to feel like a nothing. Like the only reason you exist is to be an extension of your parents’ reputations. We existed to satisfy their egos and to ensure that the neighbors, the country-club members, the business colleagues and the church members–thought positively of our family. “Oh you guys have such a nice family!” “Wow, what great parents who have! Aren’t you lucky.” I heard it all the time. 

I know what it is like to never get help and to be forced to hide pain. I was hospitalized ten times–between the ages of five and 12–for acute bladder infections. Hospitalized. Put under anesthesia, because the experts didn’t understand why I had constant bladder infections. I grew up eating antibiotics crushed in peanut butter. I remember trying so hard to be good. To be better. If only I wasn’t so bad, the abuse would stop. 

I remember having to sacrifice my humanity–by remaining silent. By remaining an object. I remained a nothing–to ensure that the abusers were never caught. So I remained a silent, nothing object, because my abusers were my parents and I wanted their love. I was trauma bonded to them. They were all I knew. 

Our entire family should have been in therapy. We were all hurting. In silence. When my sister was hospitalized for an eating disorder, we were supposed to get family therapy. My father was angry with me one day. Because I was bad, my sister would not be getting family therapy. He blamed me. My father did everything to avoid therapy. My sister abused alcohol, I punched my hand threw a window and wanted to die and my brother tried to commit suicide. It was all hidden. Our pain was not only ignored, it was an aggravation because it threatened to reveal what was really happening. If my father could have–he would have sent us away to a family friend who built houses, too. Therapy was avoided at all costs, because it wasn’t truth and healing they wanted–but silence. That perfect shellacked exterior that served them so well. 

A sinister coincidence is that my father also had a police-officer friend who was a child molester. This “friend” took pictures of me and molested me. It’s been very hard to read about the child pornographers, molesters and abusers that surround the Duggar family. This is not coincidence. Trust me. These people have a way of finding each other. And when they’re in trouble, they seek out “likeminded” dysfunctionals–because they know they will also hide their sick secrets. 

As painful as it is to admit–I acted out sexually as a child. I remember one incident when I was 10. I had repressed that this had happened, and the memory surfaced when I was 30. I called the child that this happened with. He verified that indeed, it had. I fell on my knees when he said it happened when I was 13 and he was 8. I wrote him a five page letter, telling him that I believed his account and that what I had done was not his fault. I invited him into my own therapist’s office, to help him heal and to reiterate that he was not at fault. I have never gotten over this. I still have no memory of my actions at age 13, but I die every day just thinking that I could have done something like that. 

When the news about Josh Duggar doing this came out, I knew at once—that he had been abused. Most likely by his father. This was not sexual curiosity. This was a stunted teenager acting out abuse dynamics that had been done to him. He was recycling the abuser/abusee situation. He picked those who were weaker and less powerful than he–because that was what was done to him. 

Minimizing what Josh has done and clamoring for the show to return–is the ultimate injustice. He needs help. He has his own children now. Ignoring what he has done or making excuses–is a crime. 

The girls in the family who were sexually abused and forced to live with their abuser–most likely have PTSD now. And the Duggars are forcing them to be interviewed by Fox this Friday. These girls are robots, at this point. Just like I was. They’ve been programmed to protect the family, to be silent and to stuff down their own humanity until it shrinks into a sliver of nothing. They’ll smile. Just as I did. They’ll praise their parents, just as I did. They’ll claim that they forgive. Just as I did. Because that’s the program instilled in every neuron since preschool. Silence equals love and it’s the price of admission if you want mommy and daddy’s love. What choice do you have? You’re all ready broken in a million pieces–a nothing. The only thing you have is what little love (as sick as it is) you were given by people who regard you as an object. You’re a piece of furniture to them. However, you cling to it–the only life raft you’ve ever experienced during a lifelong tsunami event. 

I only hope the show is cancelled and that the talk of spin-offs is just a perverse rumor. Those girls are victims who have not even begun to face their pain. A spin-off, featuring sexual abuse victims who never got help–is nothing more than a sad crime scene with victims who only know how to perpetuate the lie. 

I cringe when right-wingers or Christians defend this family, their behavior and what happened. The minimizing, the rationalizations, the denial and the justifications–are all pedophile thinking. “He made a mistake.” “God forgives him” “Every family has problems and no family is perfect.” I’ve heard all of this. It was how the abusers in our family kept us quiet, submissive and sick. It was how they kept their secrets safe. I remember my father telling me that anytime I was mad at him to picture Jesus next to him–because Jesus loved everyone. I remember after our family saw the movie Parenthood with Steve Martin. My father remarked, as we walked to the car, “See. All families have problems.” 

I hate to see average people perpetuating these toxic, sick messages. They are gifts to abusers and pedophiles. People might not realize that they are carrying water for pedophiles, but they absolutely are, when they minimize the pain of abuse victims and the significance of what Josh did, and how his parents covered it up and ignored the pain of their own son and daughters. 

The Duggars are an iceberg family, just as my family of origin was an iceberg family. I escaped. I have a good life with my wonderful child and husband, but it took ten years of therapy to unravel the damage. There are many iceberg families out there. I’ve heard their stories in group therapy–but it is especially painful to hear the excuses and the minimizing from people who are only reinforcing the notion that this family is fine just the way it is. 

The Duggars are not victims of the media or the police who released the report. This family is lucky that we don’t know the full truth–and they damn well know it. They are not victims of anyone. They are a victim factory. These parents created victims that are now growing into adults that are unhealed. They are now having children who may become sexual abuse victims. The extent of the damage and pain that these parents have caused cannot be overestimated. Many generations will suffer because of them. 

In the end, I hope that the show is cancelled and that this forces at least some Duggar members to find their way to help–so that they can stop living on the surface of an iceberg crafted by abusers–and start living a whole, authentic life on their own terms. 

There is life beyond the prison of the surface ten percent.
Thanks to CoffeeCat for bravely writing this piece. Remember: It ain’t about politics, and it ain’t about religion: it’s about abused children.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

That’s pretty much what Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are saying, as they dig their hole deeper and deeper via their friends in the media. They have publically stated that trans people are males with criminal records (sex offenses, of course), which just shows that Duggarland is a magical place where one can have no idea what a transgendered person is but still think they are worse than their own son Josh Duggar, who has admitted he’s a sex offender, pedophile, and incest freak. But hey, li’l Joshie didn’t know no better, and Christ has forgiven him, so stop being all mean and stuff, OK? Plus he didn’t really do anything wrong, (even though he did), because he was just a teenytiny child himself at the time (even though he was 15)…you get the picture.

It turns out that Josh Duggar committed even more sex crimes than had been previously reported, and had told his parents even more often than had been previously reported, and had done things far more disgusting than had previously reported, to more girls than had previously been reported. In short, he’s a sexual predator and child molester of the first water, and needs to be locked up posthaste and the key flushed down the commode. But the Duggars don’t want him buggered, so they kept his crimes a secret. And since he didn’t go to jail, why, he’s not a criminal, right? Unlike those ickyickyicky LGBT people (even though being LGBT is not a crime).

Since the Duggars don’t understand Gay or Transgendered persons, but do understand Josh, one could fairly assume that Jim Bob and Michelle are themselves straight white Christian child molesters who also didn’t want to be buggered Duggars and so helped cover up Joshie’s sex crimes and their own complicity in their commission.

In fact, none of this was brought to light until the statute of limitations had run out, and the truth could come to light with no chance of these three disgusting perverts getting chucked into the general population of a prison, to there enjoy the “treatment” often afforded to such swine.

Here are facts of the matter: Josh Duggar molested his own sisters and a babysitter (maybe other girls, too). His parents covered up his crime, making the three of them criminals. Criminals of the lowest and most most vile sort. Criminals that are hated even by other criminals. How DARE the Duggars Who Are Scared of Being Buggered accuse innocent LGBT Americans of being sex offenders, when they themselves are just that?

Probably because Jim Bob, Michelle, Josh, and their Pervert Posse know full well what they are, and successfully managed to avoid detection via distraction. By pointing their filthy fingers at others for long enough, they got away with the perfect crime.

This writer, having been molested himself as a youth, hopes that all three of them are somehow punished for their unspeakable, incestuous, depraved, and inhuman actions. And that soon.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Jessa Duggardaughter, one of the many Teavangelicals from the scripturally-challenged “Quiverfull” wing of Christianity, displayed her spectacular level of Biblical ignorance in a recent Facebook post.Here is a wee bit of it:

“God isn’t slacking to fulfill His promised Judgement (sic) on sin — it’s coming,” Duggar warned. “The only reason you’re are alive right now is because He is merciful and has kept your heart beating for another day.” She warned that God could strike anyone down at any time and render his final “judgement” – but she’s not the least bit worried. “This should be concerning to you,” Duggar said. “I know it was for me! When I saw myself in light of God’s standard, and I knew that I fell short. But I found hope in the Gospel — the ‘good news’ of Jesus Christ! I would still be lost today were it not for His grace!”

Wow. Just, like Wow. Jessa thinks she is guaranteed a ticket to Heaven, and the rest of us are on the road to Hell. In fact, she is sure of it.

She started her post by quoting Matthew 7:1 but then proceeded to completely disregard it, as do so many of her ilk. Not all that unusual, many Teavangelists frequently treat the teachings of the Christ they claim to worship with this sort of disrespect.  It might seem odd that a Christian would give Christ a raspberry, but it’s pretty common.

Here’s the key: some people (like the Duggars) think that Jesus Christ is a magical being that guarantees them a ticket to Heaven no matter how badly they treat others, so long as they are “born again”. Others (like this writer) think that Rebbe Yeshuah bar Yosef  was sent here by God to remind us of what we needed to do and be, in order to be worthy of such a destination.

You might be tempted to blow by this little bit of dogmatic disagreement, but please hang in there: it is the basis of a schism that dates back to about 300 A.D. or so; are we to worship or to follow? Did Jesus come down only to be crucified and thus shower the faithful with His magic blood, or should we listen to what He said before He was executed? Worshipping is much easier: just grovel a bit and your work is done. Perhaps that is why Jessa looks so gleeful as she contemplates our eternal damnation: image Following actually requires effort, spiritual and otherwise. Here are a few of the actual words spoken by Jesus: think about how difficult they actually can be to do, day in and day out:

Matthew 7:“Do not judge, or you too will be judged.For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

Matthew 6:”Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.” “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you”

Matthew 22:36-40 is the really big one: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied:‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.'”
(One should note that the answer was not “Accept me as your personal savior and you will go to heaven, no matter what else you do”. I think if He had MEANT that, He would have SAID that. But He didn’t. Not once. Not ever.)

None of these, nor the many other teachings of Jesus, are presented as optional selections from a Heavenly buffet line. Christians are supposed to do them all. Small wonder the Lord’s prayer reads as it does: it is nigh on impossible to live your life to such standards.

And that may well be why Teavangelicals created their own most important commandment (to be born again), instead of the one Christ laid down. Many people want an easy life, and the lazier they are, the easier they want their lives to be. And loving everybody 24/7/365 is about as difficult as a task can get for most of us. Easier for the Duggarites and their sort to hold themselves up as uniquely Heavenbound, with no effort or self-improvement required on their own part. Magic Jesus Blood does all the work for them, amirite?

See you in Hell, Jessa. Unlike you and yours, most of us won’t be surprised should we wind up there.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky