The “Christian Right” is Wrong.

Proof may be found in Indiana, where a load of “Christian” hatemongers passed a law that basically makes anyone other than straight white Fundagelicals second-class citizens. True to form, these Teabagging legislators deny that they hate gays: nononono, they are merely protecting the “religious freedom” of fellow Teavangelicals. Riiiiiiiight.

It also can be found in Ohio, where a load of “Christian” hatemongers passed a law that basically makes anyone other than fetuses second-class citizens. True to form, these Teabagging legislators deny that they hate women: nononono, they are merely protecting the “rights” of unbornTeavangelicals. The fact that they laugh at stories of rape is meaningless. Riiiiiiiight.

Proof abounds in Michigan, where a load of “Christian” hatemongers are pushing a law that basically makes anyone other than Teavangelicals second-class educators.True to form, these Teabagging legislators deny that they hate non-“Christian” teachers: nonono, they are merely going back to the “true intent of education”, which was to teach kids how to read Scripture. Riiiiiiiight.

On and on it goes: from calls for a violent “Christian uprising”, to Teavangelical racism, and pretty much every sin listed in the Ten Commandments and the Greatest Commandment. These sickos crap all over the teachings of Rebbe Yesuah bar Josef while proclaiming their loyalty to Him.

This, Gentle Reader, is why the Constitution forbids the establishment of a government-sanctioned religion. Theocracies always crash and burn, spectacularly. Because they are based on premises of faith that cannot be proven.

Instead of being wrong like the Religious Right, let’s actually try being, you know, right. Let’s try actually treating all of us as being truly equal. Like the Constitution says.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Rape Freak Robertson meets Teavangelical Rape Freaks.

First of all, remember that Phil Robertson is himself a rapist, of the Statutory variety. He managed to avoid prison by marrying the 15-year-old girl he’d impregnated (possibly when she was only 14), but ask any father of a young teen girl how he’d feel about an adult male molesting her, and most parents would reach for their shotgun. And not to make him marry their child, either.

He also urges other men to seduce underage girls, thus making them rapists like him. Really? No, seriously, really? Could a man be lower than a molester of young women?

Yep, Phil can get lower than that. Low like world-champion-at-moral-Limbo low. He shared one of his personal rape fantasies at a prayer breakfast, with children in attendance:

I’ll make a bet with you. Two guys break into an atheist’s home. He has a little atheist wife and two little atheist daughters. Two guys break into his home and tie him up in a chair and gag him.

Then they take his two daughters in front of him and rape both of them and then shoot them, and they take his wife and then decapitate her head off in front of him, and then they can look at him and say, ‘Isn’t it great that I don’t have to worry about being judged? Isn’t it great that there’s nothing wrong with this? There’s no right or wrong, now, is it dude?

(Note: Phil said more, but this blogger will not reprint that vile filth. Even Jeffrey Dahmer wouldn’t have thought of some of Phil’s sick criminal sex fantasies.)

Of course, to Phil, rape is not wrong. He committed that crime himself and got rewarded instead of punished. He is not an Atheist, but he clearly doesn’t know right from wrong, even with his Teavangelical “faith”. Or maybe he loves him some rape because of said Teavangelical “faith”.

Gentle Reader, this is sick enough already; but it gets even worse. The audience of Vero Beach “Christians” did not object to Phil shouting his Rape Porn at their children: indeed, from the audio, it sounds like they were in agreement with him, showing their approval for said Rape Porn. Teavangelical parents liked having Duck Daddy telling their own children all about rape, decapitation, genital mutilation, and other truly revolting crimes.

That says a LOT about contemporary American “Republican” “Christians”. And what it says is not good, not good at all. Fathers, keep those shotguns handy. Whether the potential statutory rapist is an avowed Atheist, Christian or anything else. Rape freaks are rape freaks.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

“War on Christmas?” Gimme a Friggin’ Break, OK?

The “Christian Right” is starting into its annual festive tizzy about how Baby Jesus is being dissed due to people uttering words other than “Merry Christmas” during the period of time between Halloween and New Year’s Eve. In reality, of course, there is no such “war on Christmas”, and has never been. You want the real story on the annual celebration? Here ya go:

When the weather gets cold and the days get short, people like to have a party, to lift their spirits. It’s been going on for, literally, thousands of years, all over the planet. Vis. and to wit:

In ancient Rome, it was called Saturnalia (or Dies Natalis Solis Invicti).
Modern American Hindus celebrate Pancha Ganapati.
Vainakhs celebrated Malkh.
Saxons celebrated Mōdraniht.
European-descended Pagans have a Yule holiday.
Persian-descended Pagans celebrate Shabe Yaldā.
Christians, of course, have Christmas.
The jewish people celebrate Hanukkah.
Slavic folk have been known to observe Malanka.

To name but a few. Get the idea? When all around is dark and dreary, we humans like to have some light and merriment.

So just because Christian missionairies in the British Isles decided to adapt some Celtic Pagan observances by inventing a birthday celebration for Rebbe Yeshuah Bar Joseph (AKA Jesus), and just because we Christian types happen to be in the majority in contemporary America, doesn’t mean other people in and from other cultures don’t have a right to party in the manner of their own choosing. We all need a bit of a pick-me-up when nature has us feeling down.

It’s gotten worse since Fundagelicals have decided to repurpose the celebratory holiday of Christmas into yet another evangelical outlet; because when religious people are looking for converts, they can get pretty militant. (See the Albigensian Crusade for another example besides the current ones.) Songs like “Mary, Did You Know” are perfect examples of this phenomenon. It’s no longer enough to wish the Savior a happy birthday and give gifts and charity to others: no, these proselytizeing latter-day Puritans are after your very souls. Damn your fun, they are on a mission!

Everybody, just take a breath and smile. Drive away the chill and dark with warmth and light. It’s what humans do. All of us. For all of our history. This writer loves the opportunity to liven up the blah days of a blah season, and doesn’t care what you call your party.

Call it “Bob”, if you want. It might prevent a few wars, or a few Fox News editorials at the very least. The reason for the season is: to help ourselves and those around us to be a wee bit happier.

So Happy Bob to one and all.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Duck Dynasty’s Robertson and ISIS: Both will kill you if you don’t convert to their religion.

Both have said it straight out, Gentle Reader, so this is not Cranky hyperbole.  Let’s start with Ducky Daddy , OK? He said this to Sean Hannity just yesterday: “I’m just saying either convert them or kill them”. There’s video at the link if you don’t believe it.

ISIS, the “Too Crazy even for Al-Quaida Brigade”, kill people from other religions. And they have been doing it. Hopefully, Duckie Boy and his faux-redneck crew of TeaVangelicals aren’t doing THIS in their swamps (yet):

As previously reported, ISIS gave villagers the choice of converting to Islam or facing death. Everyone in the village, whose name is also spelled “Kocho,” chose conversion. Everyone, that is, except their sheikh.

The one man’s refusal was enough to push ISIS militants over the edge, Reuters reports. After looting the village, they loaded the men into buses and took them to the middle of the desert, where they shot them.

That, Cranky Nation, is exactly what “Christians” like Phil Robertson will do if they can take over. It’ll be “Kiss the Cross or be kissed by a sword”. Oh, and you had better be the RIGHT kind of Christian: Presbyterians are considered just as Hellbound as Moslems to crazy f***ers like the Ducksters, so this writer’s head would be rolling down the street, too. Likely yours would as well.

It’s time and past time to remind our country that we ALL have freedom of religion. Nobody should be threatened with death because of their faith. NOBODY. Nowhere. Never. Phil Robertson should take his Bin Laden Beard overseas and join ISIS. The murderous lunatic would fit right in.

Heck, he could star in the next video as he beheads a journalist. Even better propaganda value than a cowardly Brit who is too scared to take his mask off while killing bound, unarmed infidels.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Willie Robertson better pack a LOT of suntan lotion in his coffin.

Because, according to his “logic”, the Duck Dynasty star is Hellbound, just like the gays he and his daddy love to hate. Gonna be hot and bright down there, boyo, so you had best be prepared. And that goes regardless of whether the hating is based on “Christian” readings of the Old or New Testament.

Young Willie dittoed his daddy’s ignorant statements recently, saying that the Bible says certain people are going to Hell, and that is that. And his faux-redneck family fully supports the literal interpretation of Holy Scripture. If they are right, this guy and his clan are heading for some third-degree brimstone burns themselves:

The list of Levitican Perdition Pronouncements may be found here. A cursory reading reveals the Ducksters to be huge vi-o-lators of this code:
They eat crawdads and other forbidden seafood,
They wear clothing made from mixed fabrics ,
They lie about who they are,
And a number of other forbidden practices like touching snakes, and so on. So Willieboy is on the Swampway to Hell, according to his own standards and beliefs.

But, you say, what of the New Testament? Glad you asked. Here is the bit of Corinthians that Phil and Willie claim to reference:

Do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived! Fornicators, idolaters, adulterers, male prostitutes, sodomites, thieves, the greedy, drunkards, revilers, robbers—none of these will inherit the kingdom of God.

Since the Robertson “men” have chosen to pretend to be something they aren’t in order to make money, they are clearly prostituting themselves, are greedy, and robbing those poor gullible fools who give them money. So, they are likewise headed South, waaaaaaay down South. Hadesville kinda South. According to the very New Testament Scripture they themselves cite, and the Old Testament Scripture.

Gentle Reader, one of two things is true:

Willie and his Ducky Posse are all a-goin’ to Hell just like them icky-ucky LGBTQ peeps; and it’s gonna be  Sunburn Central down there, from all reports, or

The gays aren’t actually going there, because the Bible really doesn’t say what he and his Daddy Phil says it does.

Either way, listening to Willie  is probably a really bad idea, because it’s pretty obvious that  his head is firmly lodged in his alimentary canal. But he himself had better be prepared, just in case he’s right. Coppertone, Mister Duck. Lots and lots of it.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

P.S. Count the number of times Homosexuality is mentioned in the entire Bible. Less than ten. Now look at how many times Adultery is mentioned. Dozens.
These Fundagelicals might want to adjust their priorities. I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.

Wingnuts called for Obama’s lynching. Now they claim to be oppressed victims.

Honestly, what a bunch of needle-dicked wussy mama’s boys  those “conservative” Teapublicans are. First they put up an image of our President with a noose around his neck, suggesting that he be assassinated and the date thereof be declared a national holiday. They took the picture down to try to cover their smelly asses, but they still got those stinky asses chewed. Then their Facebook page got hit by the Goat Hack, and they are now whining on their new facebook page about the Liberals who hacked the old one.

These pathetic little cowardly bits of pond scum need to nut up or shut up. They violated federal law by advocating the assassination of a sitting President. That is not “free speech”, that is seditious and anti-American criminal behavior. Being called on it does not make them victims, it makes them criminals.

This is something that has been popping up a lot lately – and by “popping up a lot” I mean to say, “picture a five-acre whack-a-mole game on Meth”. Right-Wingnut “Republicans” and other Teabaggers are saying a lot of racist, sexist, un-American trash that in some cases crosses the line into illegal speech, and then playing the Victim Card when their behavior is pointed out to them. So let’s hava a quick refresher on basic definitions:

“Victim” means “someone who has had a crime committed against them”. A “criminal” is “someone who commits a crime”. These racist, inbred, spelling-challenged, America-hating, mama-threw-away-the-baby-and-raised-the-afterbirth f***wits at “America-The Next Generation” fit the second category, not the first. They are aggressors, not victims.

Keep this in mind  when you are dealing with anyone, criminal or not, who: bullies;  acts in an intimidating manner; uses hate speech; or who is acting just barely within the law (people like Phil Robertson, Sarah Palin, and the like). They are not victims. They are the offenders, not the offended.

And whenever someone who is the offending party claims to be the injured party, we all need to call “bulls***” at every opportunity. Teach these cowardly little s***s the difference between a real victim and some gutless little weasel with a great big mouth and a teeny-tiny little pair. Let them know  which category they fall into, and that we know where they belong.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Oh, Jesus Christ on a soda cracker: Phil Robertson compared to Rosa Parks.

Nope, not making this up. From the article:

Embattled “Duck Dynasty” star Phil Robertson has been suspended from his show by A&E for his remarks about gays and African-Americans, and now some high-profile conservatives are rallying to his side and defending him. On Friday, GOP congressional candidate Ian Bayne went all in, comparing Robertson to civil rights icon Rosa Parks.

“In December 1955, Rosa Parks took a stand against an unjust societal persecution of black people, and in December 2013, Robertson took a stand against persecution of Christians,” Bayne said in an email to supporters.

Yeah, because a privileged multimillionaire who hates gays and wants God to send them all to Hell is exactly like an oppressed Black working woman who was tired of being oppressed.

Can we take up a collection to buy these Wingnut politicians and pundits a nice Christmas basket full of clues?

Mr. Blunt and Cranky