Archives for posts with tag: Senator

Contrary to the screeches of the Panic Platoon, Ebola has not been the plague depicted in Rise of the Planet of the Apes (admit it: you thought of the end sequence when you first heard about the recent outbreaks in West Africa). Not even close. Everywhere that has the needed resources and good solid best practices were followed, the disease was brought under control quickly and competently.

The only countries that have not yet brought the virus under control are desperately poor nations that have been deliberately f***ed over by “republicans” and their counterparts elsewhere. The disease COULD have been controlled in Liberia, too, but some GOP senator might have wound up with fewer millions in his illegal offshore bank account had America shown some common decency and a wee bit of smarts. But NOOOOOOOooooo, the GOPee stole from the poor and gave to themselves, as is their wont.

So while the Chicken Littles and Admiral Akbar Brigade join their brethren in the Panic Platoon and generally freak out about Ebola in fine hair-on-fire fashion, let us focus instead on a real existential threat: the thieving Repub rat-bastards who caused the f***ing outbreak in the first f***ing place. There, friends, is a SERIOUS problem that needs solving.

And we can solve it. Get to the polls, and take your friends, enemies, frenemies. neighbors, church members, bowling buddies, bandmates, and everybody else you know with you. Vote against every single rotten, stinking son-of-a-bitch GOP candidate and show the lot of them to the door. You don’t have to like Dems (this writer doesn’t): you just have to hate the Repubs for killing so many innocents in the name of fattening their own wallets.

Beating any disease requires an accurate diagnosis and a solid treatment plan. We have done it for Ebola, now we need to eradicate modern Republicanitis before it “kills” the lot of us.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Kansas Senator Pat Roberts does not live in Kansas. He does not own a home there. He lives in Virginia, this Kansas Senator, and is suddenly trying to dodge questions about his quasi-legal residency situation.

If you are looking for a textbook definition of “out of touch”, look no further than the carpetbagging Mr. Roberts.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Senator Ted Cruz recently questioned whether or not former Senator Chuck Hagel is an Iranian Agent. Much hue has been cried over this statement, and deservedly so, seeing as there is no evidence to suggest any such thing.

But it turns out that there IS a sitting US Senator who has been a registered agent for the government of Iran: Jeff Flake.

So as a public service, Teddy, we offer this information to help with your relentless search for rogue Persians in our hallowed halls o’ gummint.

Go get that Flakey Iranian Agent, Ted.
Sic ’em!

Mr. B & C

Mr. Blunt and Cranky, while strolling along the Internets recently, discovered this: Pretty much everybody hates Congress

In it you will find that Congress is ranked lower than cockroaches and other unpopular groups. Much is being made of how stupid they must be on the Hill, to keep doing things that make them unpopular even when poll after poll tells them that Americans view them as being only slightly better than Ebola.

“Haw haw haw,” we laugh, mocking those idiots in Dizzy City. “What fools they are to alienate the very people who must elect them some day”, we say. And make no mistake, our “representatives” do deserve all of the mud, dung, and brickbats that are sling at them.

So why, if they suck so badly, if they are so useless, if they are that stupid; why, then, were 91-f***ing percent of them re-elected this year?

Answer:the voters of their districts are the real idiots. Yes, gerrymandering; yes, vote rigging; yes, voter suppression; but at the end of the day, the voters need to boot the bums out.

Far too many American voters are unwilling or unable to make intelligent, thoughtful, rational decisions in the voting booth. So when you want to mock the stupid f***s responsible for the clown show on Capital Hill, most of us need look no further than the nearest mirror.

Because if so many people didn’t make such stupid choices when they vote,we wouldn’t have such a stupid Congress.

Mr. B & C

Mr. Blunt and Cranky has had a epiphany, and an enormous one if he does say so himself (and he does, yes he does): he has found something that Congress is actually good for. This might seem counter-intuitive, as our national legislators are aggressive, brainless, greedy, full of rage and bloodlust; indeed, they act purely out of rapacious instinct,with  no thought for anyone else’s welfare eave their own.

“So how,” we hear you ask, “is there anything good to be said about such wretched creatures?”. The answer is not so much in their being good: rather, it is the benefit we may gain from their manifold shortcomings:

Congresscritters and Senators would be the perfect defense against the Zombie Apocalypse. Think of it, people: zombies invade the Capitol and one of two things happen: they sense the absence of brains, and starve to death; or they sense a building full of a different sort of zombie, and  live peacefully among their own kind thereafter, two tribes of brainless sub-humans who are cut from the same rotten, moldy old cloth.

Yes, we just trick the zombies as they are apocalypsing, point them to Washington D.C., clear out the civilians in their path, and when all are present and accounted for build a huge honkin’ wall around Dizzy City. Then we in the rest of America can live happily ever after.

Hey, it’s not much, but at least we are starting the week on a somewhat positive note for a change.

Mr. B & C