TeaPublicans: The Party of Perverts, Predators and Puritans.

Some “Republicans” are all three at once. Not sure how that’s even possible, but Repubes are a load of walking contradictions anyway, so what’s another slab of cognitive dissonance on top of the mountain of political illogic upon which the GOP is already perched? The Predatory Pervy Puritan ‘Pubs they are, then.

Clan Duggar certainly qualify for all those P’s, obviously, plus another for “Pedophiliac”. As does their cop friend, Jim Hutchens, doing time for various baby-abusing-type crimes. As do other Teavangelicals, too many to name here.

Then there’s the Pervert ‘Pub Platoon, exemplified by Pampers-f***er and Prostitute Purchaser “Baby Davy” Vitter. Even though he has no grounds to criticize others for their sexual preferences, he does in fact point his fingers at others for not being normal. As if having sex while wearing a diaper full of one’s own s*** makes one “normal”.

And then there are those like Mike FHuckabee and those of his ilk, who are Puritan ‘Pubs that love Pedophiliacs and Perverts. Be they Duggars or others, Mikey and Co. just LOVES them some child abusers and baby-rapers.

And then there are the Perverted Puritan Pubbies, like Marco Rubio and Jeb Ph***ing Bush, who forced women to post their sex lives online.

These sick motherf***ers must have teenie weenies, to have all these bizzare sexual hangups. Or maybe their mommas never loved them, or daddies weren’t macho enough. Naaaah, they’re just a bunch of Pencil-P*****ed Pedo Preeves.

Vote for them if you are also a Perverted, Pedophiliac, Predatory, Puritan, Prostitute-Purchasing, Pencil-P****ed ‘Pub. Vote against them if you’re not.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Cranky’s First Law: Whenever a Politician accuses someone else of immorality, they reveal their own Iack of morality.

The whole Teabagger Meltdown over Caitlyn Jenner is just the most recent example of hypocritical moralizers with their own secretly amoral lives: for instance, the many-times-married, closeted gay foghorn Rush Limbaugh lambasted her for, well, being a her. Mike Huckabee responded to the Vanity Fair photo of Ms. Jenner by extolling the joys of showering with underaged girls. And so on. And on. AND on.

Every time a politico excoriates an opponent for conduct unbecoming, we come to find out that they have a related skeleton in their own closet. Like “pro-lifer” Scott DesJarlais, who pressured his own wife and mistress to get abortions. Or David Vitter, who hates all sex offenders except himself? Or the crew of Congressional Sluts (Hastert, Hyde, Gingrich, et. al.) who prosecuted Bubba in Blowjobgate?

Sometimes, a fiscal hawk can indeed be a good money manager. And some defense critics actually have served in combat. But never will you see a preachy poltico or pundit rant and rail about dah gay, or women’s healthcare, or anything related to sexual morality who doesn’t have his or her own little secret sex life. Usually one that they are pretending to hate.

Put another way,Orin Kerr recently said these few pithy words:

“If I understand the history correctly, in the late 1990s, the President was impeached for lying about a sexual affair by a House of Representatives led by a man who was also then hiding a sexual affair, who was supposed to be replaced by another Congressman who stepped down when forced to reveal that he too was having a sexual affair, which led to the election of a new Speaker of the House who now has been indicted for lying about payments covering up his sexual contact with a boy.”

Cranky’s First Law has been proven. NEVER trust a politico, pundit, or plutocrat who claims to hate ANY sort of sex or gender-related activity. Sure as eggs is eggs, they are down with some serious private (and mayhap illegal) naughtiness of their own.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Repubs Helped Cause the Ebola Crisis. Time to Cure our Government: Vote Them Out.

Contrary to the screeches of the Panic Platoon, Ebola has not been the plague depicted in Rise of the Planet of the Apes (admit it: you thought of the end sequence when you first heard about the recent outbreaks in West Africa). Not even close. Everywhere that has the needed resources and good solid best practices were followed, the disease was brought under control quickly and competently.

The only countries that have not yet brought the virus under control are desperately poor nations that have been deliberately f***ed over by “republicans” and their counterparts elsewhere. The disease COULD have been controlled in Liberia, too, but some GOP senator might have wound up with fewer millions in his illegal offshore bank account had America shown some common decency and a wee bit of smarts. But NOOOOOOOooooo, the GOPee stole from the poor and gave to themselves, as is their wont.

So while the Chicken Littles and Admiral Akbar Brigade join their brethren in the Panic Platoon and generally freak out about Ebola in fine hair-on-fire fashion, let us focus instead on a real existential threat: the thieving Repub rat-bastards who caused the f***ing outbreak in the first f***ing place. There, friends, is a SERIOUS problem that needs solving.

And we can solve it. Get to the polls, and take your friends, enemies, frenemies. neighbors, church members, bowling buddies, bandmates, and everybody else you know with you. Vote against every single rotten, stinking son-of-a-bitch GOP candidate and show the lot of them to the door. You don’t have to like Dems (this writer doesn’t): you just have to hate the Repubs for killing so many innocents in the name of fattening their own wallets.

Beating any disease requires an accurate diagnosis and a solid treatment plan. We have done it for Ebola, now we need to eradicate modern Republicanitis before it “kills” the lot of us.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Our do-nothing Congress, complaining that ObamaCare doesn’t do enough? That’s like having Jeffrey Dahmer call you a killer.

Congress hasn’t accomplished f***-all since 2010. They tried and tried to destroy s*** instead of doing their jobs. And now, these useless moochers, these parasites, these pimples on the arse of our nation; these “representatives” are criticizing the ACA for only partly working. The chutzpah is truly breathtaking.

It’s like having Ron White tell you to lay off the Scotch.
It’s like having David Vitter call you a pervert.
It’s like having the Westboro Baptist Church call you a hater.
It’s like having Anthony Weiner call you a slut.

What’s worse, the “news” media are acting like this is acceptable and sensible. They are acting as though a load of do-nothing layabouts have the right to criticize someone else who is actually doing something, for not doing it perfectly.

This writer will pay attention to Repub criticism of the ACA as soon as said Repubs get off their obese behinds and earn their huge paychecks and bennies. And not one moment before.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky