Archives for posts with tag: Weasel

Honestly, what a bunch of needle-dicked wussy mama’s boys  those “conservative” Teapublicans are. First they put up an image of our President with a noose around his neck, suggesting that he be assassinated and the date thereof be declared a national holiday. They took the picture down to try to cover their smelly asses, but they still got those stinky asses chewed. Then their Facebook page got hit by the Goat Hack, and they are now whining on their new facebook page about the Liberals who hacked the old one.

These pathetic little cowardly bits of pond scum need to nut up or shut up. They violated federal law by advocating the assassination of a sitting President. That is not “free speech”, that is seditious and anti-American criminal behavior. Being called on it does not make them victims, it makes them criminals.

This is something that has been popping up a lot lately – and by “popping up a lot” I mean to say, “picture a five-acre whack-a-mole game on Meth”. Right-Wingnut “Republicans” and other Teabaggers are saying a lot of racist, sexist, un-American trash that in some cases crosses the line into illegal speech, and then playing the Victim Card when their behavior is pointed out to them. So let’s hava a quick refresher on basic definitions:

“Victim” means “someone who has had a crime committed against them”. A “criminal” is “someone who commits a crime”. These racist, inbred, spelling-challenged, America-hating, mama-threw-away-the-baby-and-raised-the-afterbirth f***wits at “America-The Next Generation” fit the second category, not the first. They are aggressors, not victims.

Keep this in mind  when you are dealing with anyone, criminal or not, who: bullies;  acts in an intimidating manner; uses hate speech; or who is acting just barely within the law (people like Phil Robertson, Sarah Palin, and the like). They are not victims. They are the offenders, not the offended.

And whenever someone who is the offending party claims to be the injured party, we all need to call “bulls***” at every opportunity. Teach these cowardly little s***s the difference between a real victim and some gutless little weasel with a great big mouth and a teeny-tiny little pair. Let them know  which category they fall into, and that we know where they belong.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Mr. W. Mitt Romney, already acknowledged as being one heckuva weasel, has come up with a marvelous new B.S. story that has weasels of the two- and four-legged varieties from around the world awestruck with admiration: “Dude, did you see THAT? We have to up our game, man, we are, like, totally losers compared to the Willard the Wonder Weasel”. Even Billy Bob Clinton is genuflecting before Romney’s icon in The Weasel Cathedral, acknowledging the passing of the Weasel King crown to a new master.

Said weaseliciousness is as follows: Mitt has claimed for some time now to have “had no involvement with Bain Capital after 1999”. Pretty unequivocal. But then, golly gee whillikers, it turns out he has also said he DID have involvement after that date, which looks a whole lot like a lie. If one is to be the King of All Things Weaselish, one must triumph over inconvenient facts, so Mitt put on his Captain Super Weasel Underoos and came up with this line for the ages: he “Retired Retroactively”.

Absolute brilliance, possibly unparalleled in modern times. By using the magical Retroactive Ray, Mitt could take actions that could later be declared altered, or even never to have existed. Now consider the possibilities for the rest of us:

  • “That baby is not mine, because I put on a condom after we had sex. Retroactive Responsibility.”
  • “I did not shoot that man, because I retroactively became a pacifist in favor of gun control”.
  • “I was not driving drunk, because I retroactively sobered up.”
  • “I cannot possibly have the Clap, because of my retroactive virginity.”

Perhaps Republican Primary voters should retroactively cast their votes for another, less weaselish candidate?  Considering Romney’s level of Weaseltude, almost any candidate would pass that test.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

P.S.: Yes, your humble writer did indeed reference Dire Straits and Eminem in the same blog post (last Friday). Yes, he did it on purpose; and yes, he is perversely pleased about it. Deal.