Willie Robertson better pack a LOT of suntan lotion in his coffin.

Because, according to his “logic”, the Duck Dynasty star is Hellbound, just like the gays he and his daddy love to hate. Gonna be hot and bright down there, boyo, so you had best be prepared. And that goes regardless of whether the hating is based on “Christian” readings of the Old or New Testament.

Young Willie dittoed his daddy’s ignorant statements recently, saying that the Bible says certain people are going to Hell, and that is that. And his faux-redneck family fully supports the literal interpretation of Holy Scripture. If they are right, this guy and his clan are heading for some third-degree brimstone burns themselves:

The list of Levitican Perdition Pronouncements may be found here. A cursory reading reveals the Ducksters to be huge vi-o-lators of this code:
They eat crawdads and other forbidden seafood,
They wear clothing made from mixed fabrics ,
They lie about who they are,
And a number of other forbidden practices like touching snakes, and so on. So Willieboy is on the Swampway to Hell, according to his own standards and beliefs.

But, you say, what of the New Testament? Glad you asked. Here is the bit of Corinthians that Phil and Willie claim to reference:

Do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived! Fornicators, idolaters, adulterers, male prostitutes, sodomites, thieves, the greedy, drunkards, revilers, robbers—none of these will inherit the kingdom of God.

Since the Robertson “men” have chosen to pretend to be something they aren’t in order to make money, they are clearly prostituting themselves, are greedy, and robbing those poor gullible fools who give them money. So, they are likewise headed South, waaaaaaay down South. Hadesville kinda South. According to the very New Testament Scripture they themselves cite, and the Old Testament Scripture.

Gentle Reader, one of two things is true:

Willie and his Ducky Posse are all a-goin’ to Hell just like them icky-ucky LGBTQ peeps; and it’s gonna be  Sunburn Central down there, from all reports, or

The gays aren’t actually going there, because the Bible really doesn’t say what he and his Daddy Phil says it does.

Either way, listening to Willie  is probably a really bad idea, because it’s pretty obvious that  his head is firmly lodged in his alimentary canal. But he himself had better be prepared, just in case he’s right. Coppertone, Mister Duck. Lots and lots of it.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

P.S. Count the number of times Homosexuality is mentioned in the entire Bible. Less than ten. Now look at how many times Adultery is mentioned. Dozens.
These Fundagelicals might want to adjust their priorities. I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.

Grammys to Right-Wing Fundagelicals: “In Your Face”.

That, friends, was the first Grammy awards show in years that was worth watching. Hoo boy, somebody must have grown a pair, and allowed some artists to take some risks for a damned change. From Steven Tyler singing Smokey Robinson in front of Smokey Robinson, to Taylor Swift bleeding all over the piano, to Macklemore and Ryan Lewis’ stinging bitch-slap to the major labels, some truly excellent moments occurred. Note to awards show producers near and far: safe sucks, risk rocks. Learn from this telecast.

But the best part wasn’t purely musical: it was the mass marriage of straight, LGBT, and multi-racial couples at the 2/3 mark of the broadcast. A good rap/gospel mashup number set up the ceremony, and the rap itself was a huge thumb in the eye to all the homophobes who are such an affliction on society.

There were some awesome musical moments, too: Nelson, Haggard, Kristofferson, and Shelton laid out a reminder of what country music used to be before it turned into classic rock sung through nasal cavities; Metallica with a classical pianist; and Imagine Dragons with a helluva hip hop artist, totally melting down the stage; those were just a few of the great musical moments of a rarely-watchable awards show. But it’s not what everyone will be talking about this morning.

And that’s a good thing, overall. Music isn’t just ear candy, you know: it’s part of the zeitgeist, and is as much influenced by as it is influential within it. Last night a few thousand music industry professionals, some of them pretty damned influential, all spoke with one voice. And what that voice said was:”up yours” to the regressive, repressive, and hate-ridden “Christian Conservative” community that wants us all to party like it’s 1499.

The courts, the people, and society as a whole are moving towards a rational, sane, and Constitutional policy on marriage equality. The Grammys added their considerable weight to the discussion, and it’s gonna be a fun week as the “Republicans”, Wingnuts, and Fundies go into full freakout mode, blathering, bullying, lying, shrieking, and generally acting like they can still bluster their way to victory.

That worked for a while, when the majority of the country tried to be civilized when dealing with these Repub barbarians. But people are getting tired of that losing approach. Last night, we saw what happens when we stand up for what is right: great art, great television, good politics, and oh yeah, a ton of money got made, all while serving the greater good and defending our Constitutional freedoms.

In your face, Fundies. In your face while dancing. In your face while we turn the volume up. Because you were right, back in the 50’s and 60’s: rock music IS revolutionary, and it WILL destroy your hateful, bigoted, backwards, hypocritical, lying society. In your face, boyo, because that is a very good thing.

Mr. Blunt and Cranky

Spoiled Rich Boys Oftentimes Grow Into Entitled Men

People need to know this about Romney and Ryan, this year’s Bull Elephants: they are both rich men; born rich infants, raised as rich boys, grew up with their paths greased by wealth and privilege, and act today  as one  might expect them to act, given the lavish amounts of money available to them both. (Yes, Ryan, too, for all that the media can’t tear themselves away from Mitt’s millions long enough to look at the Ryan family fortunes.) They are privileged and have always been so: indeed, they know nothing else.

Neither man knows what it is like to have to choose between food or shelter; heat or medicine; or to be forced to live without even the basics. Neither knows what it is like to live paycheck-to-paycheck, nor have they had to make horrible sacrifices and compromises to keep a job that they loathe, but is all that stands between their family and starvation. Neither “gets” the working class, much less the working poor, even less so the unemployed or unemployable.

Once you understand this key point, then the actions and underlying logic of Paulie and Willie make sense. Ryan’s budget decimates the safety net because he has no grasp of its importance; he is unconcerned with health care, assistance, or even infrastructure for the 99.9% because he has never known want or privation (except emotionally). Ryan does not sweat about women being raped or becoming pregnant as a result because, well, when you have money, those things can be taken care of quietly. He does not understand not being rich. He cannot comprehend not being rich. Being rich is all he has ever known.

It is similar with Romney, though it manifests itself differently. You see, Mitt took seed money from his somewhat-well-to-do parents and made hundreds of millions of dollars with it. New money, not old money like Ryan’s. Yes, he was a spoiled little rich brat, but instead of spending his entire adult life in politics, Romney spent most of it making pots of cash.  So, in addition to the sense of entitlement he was raised with, he has added massive amounts of “I deserve to be treated like a king” egotism from his business success.  What he has not gotten was Ounce One of humility, perspective or understanding of those from different backgrounds or walks of life. So when you ask about his finances, he does not understand that you have a legitimate right to know about them. He isn’t so being much secretive as acting from an enlarged sense of entitlement.

Dear Readers (and especially any journalists among you); remember this every time you ask yourself “why doesn’t he get it?”: these Richie Rich clones don’t know how to “get it”. They are the product of an exclusive, isolated, protected, privileged world that most of us can’t even visualize. Likewise, they cannot visualize us and our needs, wants and sense of morals.  They are not from the America that most of us know and love.

They could have learned what life is like for the rest of us; indeed, they should have been so taught. But they weren’t. Look at their policies, proposals, and how they live: they are not part of this country, not really. They exist for others of their kind, and seek to serve them. (They might even think they are serving all of us, because of their ignorance.)  They are part of one of the smallest minorities in the nation, and don’t even know it. They don’t understand America, they won’t understand America, they can’t understand America, because they are under the mistaken and unshakeable impression that they already do.

And not understanding America, they are not qualified to run America.

Mr. B & C

Tomorrow – When minorities rule majorities. It never ends well.

Schrödinger’s Tax

Ol’ Willie M. Romney is keeping relevant information about himself and his money (as if there were a difference, and there isn’t, not really) locked in a box that he and his Dominatrix Mistress Boss wife refuse to open, thus leading Mr. Blunt and Cranky to indulge in yet another Schrödinger analogy: since we cannot see what inside the box, people are free to speculate on the “state” of ol’ Willie’s taxes and their underlying finances. And, of course, since they are free to do so, they do so. And do so. And do so. Rinse and repeat.

Queen Ann and her Consort are beaucoup cheesed off that all we icky normal people keep asking their Royal Romninesses about their tax returns. Neither of these clueless faux-royals seems to grok the whole “public servant” thing: unlike the way they have lived their lives up to now (being served by lowly little people), they are aspiring to a position in which Mitt is asking to serve us. And if he wishes to get that job, he’s gonna have to provide some information to his prospective employers, just like a cook, gardener, butler, or any other sort of servant.

Here’s the thing about Schrödinger’s concept: the only way to know the state is to open the box and end the experiment. Until that is done, folks are going to speculate about R-Money in the manner of their choosing (just as physicists do with electron states, albeit with less intellect), and Willie is gonna look more and more secretive, thus less and less trustworthy. Mitt has only himself to blame for closing the box. Why is so he stubborn, petulant, and obstinate? And most importantly, why is he so bewildered by peoples’ insistence that he open it? That’s for tomorrow’s post.

Mr. B & C

Queen Ann Shoots from the Lip Once Again

Ann Romney hath spoken from Her Queenly Perch O’ Entitlement, telling reporter Natalie Morales that She and Lord Willard will not hand out any more information about Their Royal Selves to the media, or we lowly citizens, for that matter. Clearly She and Her little nancy boy Husband have not grasped the difference between public and private sector employment.

Here’s the deal, Annie-me-lass: when one works in the private sector (like Mr. Blunt and Cranky, say), one can live as privately as one wishes. Where you live, how you live, how much money you have, none of that is anybody’s business at all, unless you choose to share it. Most sane people choose to live thus.

Once you decide to operate in the public sector, any expectations of privacy are gone with the wind. And you had to know that, since this ain’t your first rodeo. The law requires one whole helluva lot of disclosure, and lots of politicians (like your late father-in-law, bless him) have raised the bar higher than the law requires, just to make themselves look good avoid even the appearance of a conflict of interest.

Hey, you’re richer than Croesus: good on you, many of us aspire to that. You used the tax laws to your advantage: so do most Americans. You likely have family tragedies that you might not wish to share: same here. So why the secrecy, why the scaredy-cat fuss, why the stonewalling? Because there can’t be anything that bad in your privileged backgrounds – Hell, you’re probably waaaay cleaner than the majority of your prospective subjects fellow citizens.

 If you wanted a completely private life, you should have stayed out of national politics. A wee bit late for that now, though: no matter how Your Royal Romneyness feels, you are going to have to deal with the demands of the new career you and your lackey-boy husband have chosen. Suck it up, buttercup, and open up. And climb off your throne, you look a jackass up there.

Mr. B & C