Bluntly and Crankily summarized, here are the likely candidates for President in 2016:
Bernie Sanders: If there are more smart people in America than the polls indicate, he’s in.
Hillary Clinton: Meet the new Democratic President, same as the old Democratic President.
Jim Webb: Might as well be a Republican.
Lincoln Chafee: Pretty much still IS a Republican.
Joe Biden: Good at calming shoulder rubs. Would like to calm the entire country.
Marco Rubio: Can’t even handle a water bottle. Wants to run an entire country.
Mike Huckabee: Optimistic hypocrite who doesn’t have the nerve to quit.
Ben Carson: All Brains. No Heart.
Ted Cruz: Because Birthers and Teavangelicals are complete idiots.
Rand Paul: Because Libertarians and Teabaggers are even bigger idiots.
Carly Fiorina: Proud of her failure in Tech, wants to proudly fail the entire country.
Chris Christie: Christ in name only. Still unindicted.
Jeb Bush: Helped steal the White House in 2000. Would love to do it again.
Scott Walker: Will destroy everything Americans hold dear. Will get votes anyway.
Donald Trump: Told his hair stylist, “You’re Fired!”
Mr. Blunt and Cranky